Jonathan Michael Durr

Life Lessons from Le Tour de France

2009-06-29T21:10:00.000-07:00

The 2009 Tour de France starts July 4th.

I'm really not much into spectator sports. I'm normally bored by watching some game on TV; I'd much rather be out doing something instead! However, in the last few years, as I've become interested in the sport of cycling, I've made a point to keep up with some of the Tour de France each year. Of course, I can't catch all of it; it's 3 weeks long! Despite my disinclination to enjoy watching a sport, I have truly been fascinated by the complexity of this race.

The Tour lasts 3 weeks and consists of 21 individual daily races. It is considered a great career achievement for a professional cyclist to win even one individual stage. So, many riders are in the race with no hopes of winning the overall event, but might possibly pull out a stage win. The overall leader of the race wears a yellow jersey, and (should he wear it to the finish line in Paris) is the winner in the general classification (or g.c. for short). This is decided by taking each rider's individual race finish time every day and adding them up as the race progresses; at the end of the event, the rider with the lowest cumulative time wins. Also, there are various other winning classifications within the race that riders can vie for.

The other major categories are the green sprinter's jersey (based on a point system for finishing well in the mass finishes as well as at intermediate sprint points along the route), the red-and-white polka dot "King of the Mountains" jersey for the best performance over the mountain stages, and the white best young rider jersey for the best performing rider under the age of 25. To make it even more confusing, there are 3 different types of races involved: the standard mass-start stages where all participants begin together, the individual time trials, where the participants depart in one-minute intervals and each rider races alone on the road against the clock, and the team time trials which are similar to the individual TTs except that whole teams work together to ride the fastest they can along the day's course. For more detailed information, read Wikipedia's Tour entry he re.

A pro cycling stage race is an endurance event that is unparalleled in all of sports. And the Tour is the granddaddy of all stage races. Wikipedia quotes the July 16, 2006 edition of the New York Times as saying "The Tour de France is arguably the most physiologically demanding of athletic events. The distance and time of the Tour is comparable to running a marathon several days a week for nearly three weeks. The vertical distance climbed traversing the Alps and Pyrenees is equivalent to climbing three Everests. Participants consume and burn as much as 10,000 calories per day."

It has occurred to me that we could learn a lot from the perseverance, teamwork, strategy, and sheer determination needed simply to finish this event, much less be a contender to win a single stage, a category, or the whole event! Here are some of my thoughts and observations inspired by the sport of cycling and Le Tour de France:

1. You can't just go it alone.

Until I learned more about cycling, I had no idea that it was a team sport, every bit as much as basketball or baseball. A team of cyclists can ride the same course in a much faster time than an individual cyclist attempting it alone. Having ridden both alone and in groups of riders, I can attest that when you are out there by yourself--just you, the bike, and the wind--it is much harder. Having someone else in front of you doing the hard work fighting the wind resistance makes your job much easier. In fact, sports scientists have calculated that by proper drafting, a cyclist conserves as much as 25% of his energy. That means he can go 25% faster or 25% further with help than he could by himself! Of course, if the same person takes the lead by himself for too long, he won't be able to set much of a pace for the riders behind him. A cycling team rides in a rotating formation called a paceline, taking turns in the lead, so that no individual rider takes the brunt of the wind for too long. The optimum draft occurs when your front tire is within just 2 inches back from the rear tire of the rider in front of you, so you have to stay very close to your leader. All of the team members have to keep an eye out for each other to avoid collisions when they are riding so close together. One second of inattention could cause you and everyone behind you to crash. The guy in the front is constantly scanning the road for any obstacles, and everyone else is following his lead, since they can't see around him. You have to trust your leaders.

2. Sometimes you have to lead, and sometimes you have to serve.

The unique thing about this sport is that the majority of the team is racing in a support role. Each team of nine members has one leader and eight domestiques. The job of the domestiques, literally "servants", is to take care of the lead rider. When the leader is racing close to the front of the peloton, the main pack of riders, one of the domestiques may be called on to fall back to behind the pack to where the team cars are in order to get water bottles to re-supply the leader and the rest of the team. Then he will have to virtually sprint in order to catch back up to his team to deliver the needed water. This extra effort expended makes it nearly impossible for this rider to be a contender to actually win the day for himself; he uses his energy to support others so that they will have the strength to sprint for the finish line when the time comes. Other riders serve as lead-out men in the final sprint over the last mile or so of a day's racing. They will wear themselves out setting the pace for the strongest rider, who rides in their draft, conserving his own energy, sometimes until the final few seconds, when the team leader gives it his all and pushes for the finish line with everything he's got, leaving the riders who did much of the work to get him there to finish several back in the ranking. But the Tour is a tough race; one never knows when a lead rider may have to drop out due to injury, illness, or exhaustion. So the support riders do their best to help out the strongest rider, but they could be called upon to take on the leadership role themselves if something happens to the original team leader. You've got to do your best to accomplish the goal regardless of your personal position.

3. Cooperation is key.

While it is a team sport, with the extremely long distances and arduous mountain climbs of this event, inevitably the strongest riders sometimes find themselves separated from their teammates. Sometimes this is by design, when a particular rider sees an opportunity to break away from the group and put some time between himself and his rivals on other teams, and sometimes it is simply a result of most of the weaker riders falling behind as the race gets tough, leaving only the very strongest in the lead. Now, the dynamic of teamwork changes. You may have 5 or 6 riders together, all from different teams, all hoping to win the day for themselves. I have seen a breakaway group like this with an advantage of several minutes over the peloton many times. Most of the time, however, these groups are eventually caught by the crowd and their extra effort to break away is for naught. To be successful, these multi-team breakaway groups have to forge a temporary alliance and work together in order to make it to the sprint ahead of the pack. (Then it's every man for himself.)

4. Always try to hang with the leaders.

The safest place to be in the peloton is with the leaders in the front. It's also the easiest place to ride, assuming you intend to finish with the pack. The rules of professional cycling stipulate that everyone who finishes with a group of riders receives the time of the first rider in the group to cross the finish line, so if there is a massive pack of 85 or 90 riders that roars across the finish line together, the guy in the last position earns the same time as the one whose tire crosses the paint first. (This reduces agressive and potentially dangerous maneuvering within the peloton. The only way to gain time on the pack is to succeed in a breakaway.) So you would think it wouldn't really matter where in the pack you are riding. However, the guys in the front expend much less energy than the tail of the peloton. If you can visualize a large group of bicycles maneuvering through an intersection, you will understand why. The first few have an unobstructed path to choose the most efficient line around the corner, shaving off a bit of distance. They are able to maintain most of their speed through the turn and accelerate smoothly back to their cruising speed once they are back in a straitaway. The guys in the middle and back of the group, however, are forced to slow down and to take less than ideal routes through the intersection. As the pack moves into a turn, there is an "accordion effect" where the group bunches up as they slow down through the turn, then extends out again after the turn is complete. Those who weren't in the front end up having to work much harder to maintain their position. That precious energy expended is then unavailable if needed later on should the pace pick up. Add to this disadvantage the fact that there are that many more people ahead of you that could potentially crash, taking down many of the riders in their wake, and you quickly see that cruising along in the back of a group is not the best position to be in. In order to stay in the lead, you should hang with the leaders.

5. Even when you fall down, you just gotta get up!

One of the salient features of the Tour is the crash. With flesh, bone, titanium, and rubber vying for position in the peloton and trying to remain poised above the pavement while careening down a mountainside at over 60 miles per hour, bad stuff is bound to happen. Many have suffered broken bones and bruised egos, and a few riders have even lost their lives over the years. At times a rider in the middle of the peloton goes down and dozens more pile on top of him like so many dominoes, limbs and tires flailing dizzyingly in the air. The truly amazing thing about this event is not that some have to drop out due to injury, but just how many actually make it to the end of the race! You'll never win the race by lying on the ground. If the crash was bad enough and you are too injured to continue for the day, focus on your recovery and get ready to start training for the next race as soon as you are able. A rider sometimes suffers a nasty-looking fall, but the true contenders don't allow themselves the luxury of wallowing in pain and pity on the pavement. I have seen riders jump up from the ground after a terrible fall, thrust the mangled metal of their bike aside, get a replacement bike from their coach and start cranking the pedals immediately to re-join the racers down the road. So, when you fall down, check to make sure nothing is broken, dust yourself off, and get back on the bike! The race goes to the one who endures!

Thoughts on Discipline

2009-02-18T13:45:00.000-08:00

From time to time, I fill in teaching the teen Sunday School class for my friends Stewart and Galadriel, who are the regular teachers. Such was the case last week and I felt to teach about discipline. This is something that God has been dealing with me about for several months, since before the beginning of the year.

As I was thinking about the concept of discipline, it occurred to me how close the word is to "disciple". If we are His disciples, we must live lives of discipline. A disciple is a follower. Paul says in 1 Cor. 11:1 "Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ." We must find leaders who are following Christ and be disciplined in following them. If you look up the word disciple, you find that the root means "student" or "pupil". We must be disciplined to learn from the Great Teacher. How can He teach us if we don't take time to listen?

To help me be more disciplined in my life, I sat down at my computer last Saturday and wrote myself a tentative daily schedule. If I follow it, I will get in all of the important stuff that I ought to be doing and won't burn up so much time with the meaningless time wasters that so easily distract us from what truly matters. This brings to mind an axiom that I've heard that, unfortunately, has often applied to my life:

"Too often we major in the urgent and minor in the important."

I don't want to be guilty of this. There will always be urgent stuff that comes up in my life, but if I am a disciplined person, I will make time for the things that matter, like daily prayer time and Bible study. What could be more important than spending time with the Lord?

I was doing these things before, but not as much, and not with the same regularity. Daniel prayed with his windows open toward Jerusalem three times a day. It seems that we benefit from regularly taking time out to acknowledge our Creator and focus on Him for a few minutes. It recenters us and reminds us of Who is truly important (and it's not us!). We have to take the focus off of ourselves and put it on Him.

Please don't misunderstand me. I don't feel like doing these things will somehow help me to obtain God's grace. I feel like I am called to do these things in response to God's grace. Nothing I can do will obligate God to do anything for me, but He has already done so much for me, it obligates me to do more for Him.

Well, during my first week of striving for greater discipline, I have not stuck to my schedule 100%, but I have done pretty well. I have spent a few minutes every morning in prayer right after waking up, and it just makes such a difference in my outlook every day. I have been reading His word more, and meditating on it more throughout the day. Twice this week I have awakened in the morning from a dream in which I felt the Holy Spirit greatly. This is not something that happens to me often. I am responding to God's grace and He is giving me more, obligating me even further. God's grace truly is amazing.

What can YOU do about the economy?

2008-09-26T09:48:00.000-07:00

I don't think I've ever actually written to my elected representatives before now, but after reading Dave Ramsey's column on the current bailout proposal, I wrote the letter below and sent it to my US Representative, both US Senators for Kentucky, as well as to the members of the Senate Committee on Banking, Housing, and Urban Affairs. Feel free to borrow from this letter if you would like to contact your elected officials as well. The entire process (even including posting this blog) has taken me about 30 minutes. It could take you even less if you borrow my letter! :-)

You can read Dave's column here: http://www.daveramsey.com/etc/newsletters/company/092608.cfm?ectid=cnl0809_06

He includes links at the bottom of the article with contact info for who to write.

Here's my letter:

Dear Congressman Whitfield,

I happily voted for you last election. I am a conservative committed to fiscal responsibility in my personal life and expect my government to be equally accountable with my money.
I implore you not to vote for the bailout of Wall Street companies that made stupid decisions and are now endangering our economy. I understand that something needs to happen, but we the people don't need to be in the mortgage business! Here's what our elected officials should do:

1. Swiftly vote to change the "mark to market" accounting rule at least for these subprime loans so that these companies don't have to mark these loans down to junk status. My understanding is that this is the primary reason the credit markets are frozen up. I understand that this is one of the options on the table, but that it isn't being reported in the media. Please advocate for this position.

2. Extend the current FHA insurance program to guarantee these mortgages to make them more marketable. I don't like guaranteeing these poorly-issued mortgages with my tax money, but it's certainly better than owning them, and should be much cheaper than the $700 Billion plan as proposed.

If you vote to spend $700 BILLION of OUR money on this plan to add all of this BAD debt to our already staggering national debt, I will vote to send you home at my next opportunity, and will commit my financial resources to help elect someone who will better represent our interests.
Thank you for your time. Please do not disappoint us.

Sincerely,

Jonathan Durr

Pondering Sarah Palin: Life Imitating Star Trek?

2008-09-08T11:08:00.000-07:00

For those of you who aren't familiar with the penultimate Trek series "Star Trek: Voyager", let me give you some background information...

Voyager was the first ST series to feature a female captain. A Star Trek fan of several years, the captain's position always held appeal to me as the moral authority for a community of travelers on a mission. In the various series, the captain was always the go-to guy when the going got tough. He was the driving force behind the ship, lending stability, gravitas, and confidence to his crew through ethical conundrums and life-threatening situations. Each captain had his own distinctive personality, but all were unquestionably in command. At times the captain had his doubts about a mission, but he himself couldn't be doubted by his stalwart crew. To this young fan, Star Trek's captains had served as models of masculinity. Then along came Voyager and Captain Katherine Janeway.

I must admit, I had reservations about a woman in the captain's chair. How could a woman manage to be in command and in control, to fill the shoes of the fabled captains Kirk, Picard, and Sisko, and still be, well, womanly? I was afraid that the Janeway character would either not be convincing as the leader of a crew of several hundred people or else would be a mannish woman who was unpleasant to watch from week to week. In short, I was afraid she would be Hillary Clinton.

In early episodes I was a bit concerned, as the writers seemed to confirm my fears by writing the character as a bit wooden, a one-dimensional all-business career woman who wasn't particularly likeable, but as the character evolved and the actress Kate Mulgrew got more comfortable with the role, Captain Janeway let her hair down (literally and figuratively) and became a superb example of an accomplished woman who was every bit as effective as the other captains from previous Treks, and yet distinctively feminine. Captain Janeway became one of my favorite ST captains, right up there with Jean-Luc Picard and Benjamin Sisko. She brought her own personality to the role, just as the other captains had, but she didn't sacrifice her femininity. She was a woman and a captain. She became a mother figure to her crew, who found themselves in need of guidance, stranded on the other side of the galaxy, far from home and isolated from their own families. Captain Janeway was in command, but a nurturer as well. The crew respected her, looked up to her, and could not bear the thought of disappointing her. Just as other ST captains had been emblematic of masculine authority, Janeway developed into a model of the feminine authority figure.

Recently, when John McCain selected Sarah Palin as his choice for Vice President, I experienced a bit of the same reservations that I'd had about Katherine Janeway. I thought that perhaps her selection was more of a gimmick than anything. Then I heard her first speech the day that McCain announced her selection, and I thought, "Maybe she will prove to be better than I thought. I will give her the benefit of the doubt." Then I heard her speech at the Republican National Convention and became a bona fide Palin fan. Here is a woman that I could follow. She is smart, accomplished, persuasive, and comfortable in her own skin. She comes across as authentic, and authentically feminine.

Having read several profiles of her tenure in Alaska politics, she is described as "a mother and a governor". She never tried to build walls between her family and her career. They were simply two aspects of her full life. Her kids and/or husband were often seen around the Alaska Statehouse; she even was known to nurse her baby unseen during conference calls. She would be parenting one minute, then would excuse herself saying, "Mommy's got to go do this press conference." She stands in stark contrast to Hillary Clinton, who entered the national spotlight on her husband's coattails, while Palin has come up through the political ranks from the PTA to the City Commission, Mayor, Governor, and now VP candidate, on her own merits. She seems to be anchored by her values and convictions as opposed to being driven by blind ambition. She provides a real-life example of a powerful woman who has not tried to prove herself to be as tough as any man, but has simply been who she is, which happens to be one tough lady. Tough as she may be, one of my favorite things about her is that she still has the softer, maternal side as well. Her words at the convention about her youngest child were inspiring and heart-felt.

I believe that John McCain exhibited a stroke of genius in choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate. Beyond the political aspect of the choice (she has certainly shaken up the race, and I believe has significantly improved the Republican ticket's chances of winning come November), I truly believe that she would be a refreshing voice in Washington, DC.

Did the character of Captain Janeway help prepare me to accept a woman candidate for high office? Maybe so. I just may have found my real-life Captain Janeway in Sarah Palin. Win or lose this year, Palin's candidacy will no doubt go down in the history books. Perhaps a young Katherine Janeway, some 200 years hence, will read in those history books and be inspired to a life of leadership by a certain 21st-century female leader. :-)

McCain-Palin 2008!
Palin 2016?

It could happen!

My handwriting analysis...for what it's worth:

2007-07-14T20:42:00.000-07:00

I have recently been endeavoring to improve my penmanship, since my handwriting is sometimes not particularly legible. Anyway, I was researching some handwriting help sites online and ran across a do-it-yourself handwriting analysis. I don't buy into everything that it says about me, but much of it is surprisingly accurate! I would be interested to see what others think about this. To try it out on yourself, check out http://www.handwritingwizard.com/info.phtml . Let me know what you think! Here's what it had to say about me:

Jonathan has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. He lets new people into his circle of friends. He uses his imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

Jonathan is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect his ego when he feels hurt. He pokes people harder than he gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

Jonathan is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. He needs to visualize the end of a project before he starts. he finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said he plans everything he is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Jonathan basically feels good about himself. He has a positive self-esteem which contributes to his success. He feels he has the ability to achieve anything he sets his mind to. However, he sets his goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". He has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, he will not take great risks, as they relate to his goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, his self-perception is better than average.

In reference to Jonathan's mental abilities, he has a very investigating and creating mind. He investigates projects rapidly because he is curious about many things. He gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but he soon must slow down and look at all the angles. He probably gets too many things going at once. When Jonathan slows down, then he becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, he must slow down to do it. He then decides what projects he has time to finish. Thus he finishes at a slower pace than when he started the project. He has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. His mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. He can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Jonathan can then switch into his low gear. When he is in the slower mode, he can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. He is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Jonathan is secretive. He has secrets which he does not wish to share with others. He intentionally conceals things about himself. He has a private side that he intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in his past.

Jonathan will demand respect and will expect others to treat him with honor and dignity. Jonathan believes in his ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. He has a lot of pride.

Jonathan is moderately outgoing. His emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, he can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. He has the ability to put himself into the other person's shoes. Jonathan will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes he will be happy, the next day he might be sad. He has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because he is in between. Psychology calls Jonathan an ambivert. He understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, he will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." He doesn't sway too far one way or the other. When convincing him to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to him. He puts himself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet he will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Jonathan is an expressive person. He outwardly shows his emotions. He may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story. Jonathan is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. He weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when he finally has to. He basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Jonathan doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Balancing Act

2007-06-19T11:04:00.000-07:00

Sunday night's service was my 31st church service in 31 days. I am sure that is a personal record! I have really enjoyed my time "off" and being able to visit several churches and go to several meetings. I never did really conclude my historia of the Texas trip from my previous 2 blogs, but now I've already been to the "Campvention" as well. There is so much to tell...I couldn't possibly get it all in! So just order the DVDs! ;-) I plan to watch them again myself...I was helping in the video department at the Campground, and it is difficult to really process what's being said in a meeting when you're working during the service.

One thing is for sure...my scale is way out of balance. God is calling on me to respond appropriately to the good things that I have received. Bro. Wilkinson used this illustration to explain how the grace of God works. He said that when John the Baptist told the Pharisees to bring forth fruit meet for repentance that the word "meet" is the same one translated "worthy" in many locations, and that it was a common market term used to refer to the process of weighing out the proper payment to buy a certain commodity. He calls us to walk worthy of the vocation wherewith we are called. We are constantly indebted to God for His grace. We can never truly get the scale balanced, because as soon as we respond appropriately and get the scale moving in the right direction, He piles on more grace! I thought that this was a wonderful illustration of how God's grace doesn't give us license to sin; on the contrary, it obligates us to good works!

I thought of the scripture that says "To whom much is given, much is required." He's done so much for me, surely I am required to live for Him! We can't outgive God, but we can sure try to do as much as we can for Him. I remember what it meant to me as a child to hear my father say "I'm proud of you, son." It still means so much today to know that my dad is pleased with me. Just imagine what it would be like to hear our Heavenly Father say "Well done, my child." I want to make it!

Tex-Mex Trip Report (Part 2)

2007-06-06T11:22:00.000-07:00

We got up extremely early Wednesday morning and got a ride across the border with Bro. Memo to get on a bus in Matamoros to go to Monterrey. It was about a 4-hour bus ride and they showed a couple of movies along the way. Of course, the movies were in Spanish so the rest of the crew couldn't get much out of it, and it was hard for me to follow as well! (It's much easier to understand someone speaking directly to you than a movie where you can't ask them to repeat something or to slow down!)

We arrived at the bus station in Monterrey and Bro. Jose Luis Medrano, the pastor of one of our three churches in the city, met us and served as chaffeur for the rest of our time in Mexico. Monterrey is a city of about 6 million people if you include the metro area, so as you can imagine, traffic is quite thick. Add to that the Mexican daredevil driving philosophy and we had several whiteknuckle near misses. (I was accustomed to Mexican driving since I'd been there before, but the others were definitely prayed up by the time we got to church that night! LOL) Bro. Jose Luis speaks a little English, but I served as translator the majority of the time. When he heard Eddie praying out loud and saw his expression of terror when a taxi stopped within inches of the van we were in, he did manage the English phrase "It's no problem, brother." I'm not sure that Eddie was particularly comforted. ;-)

We went to eat at Los Generales, a very nice buffet-style restaurant with LOTS of food. We all ate our fill (and probably more). I think that between the 4 of us, we probably gained 20+ pounds on this trip... It's definitely time to get back on my bike! After eating, we did a bit of shopping in the Artisan's Plaza in the downtown business district before getting to where we were staying for the night and getting ready for church.

Kyle and I stayed in Bro. Jose Luis's home. The air conditioning wasn't working in our room, and it was very hot while we were getting ready for church. Thankfully, we had a fan and the windows open during the night, and we slept quite comfortably.

The church that Bro. Jose Luis pastors is the newest body work in Mexico. It was quite an experience to visit there. The city of Monterrey is surrounded by mountains, and being so large, has some neighborhoods of great wealth as well as some of extreme poverty. All of the mountains have houses that are built right up the side, extending up perhaps a third of the way to the top. On some mountains, the houses are mansions and the wealthiest of the city live there. The views of the city are breathtaking.

On other mountains, the poorest people live up the mountain, and the neighborhoods are very poorly developed, with no roads wide enough to drive on leading up to the houses--only paths for people to walk up the mountainside to their homes. This church is in a very poor area of town, a few blocks from the base of one of the "poor mountains". Many of the people in the church have very little. Some of them live up the side of the mountain and have to walk some distance to get to church.

One brother in the church had a real desire to serve in the music department. He played the guitar but he wanted to learn the piano as well. The church had a little electronic keyboard, and Sis. Cora (the pastor's wife) showed him some of the basics and gave him some sheet music to practice with. He didn't have the money for a keyboard, so he actually drew out a piano keyboard on a peice of cardboard and practiced with the sheet music at home every week on his cardboard "piano". He came early for services and practiced on the actual keyboard some more. Finally, the church was able to purchase a nicer keyboard, and they gave the old keyboard to this brother so that he could practice at home with something better than his cardboard drawing of the keys. He played for some of the songs during the service and did quite well. What an example of dedication!

The other amazing story from this church is how it came to be in fellowship with us. This church had been a Pentecostal church pastored by Bro. Sergio and not affiliated with us. He was a pastor for 30 years. He started to fellowship with one of the other body churches in Monterrey and began to realize that there was a greater truth there than what he had.

After some time, he asked for a pastor to come and take over his church, and said that he wanted to just sit in the congregation under this ministry so that he could receive the truths that he lacked. What humility! Bro. Jose Luis was sent to pastor the church, and Bro. Sergio sat out in the congregation for some time, refusing to take a seat on the platform. After 2 or 3 months, Bro. Jose Luis urged him to sit on the platform as well, so he now works with him in the ministry again. No doubt God will richly bless Bro. Sergio for his willingness to submit to a younger man and his desire for greater truth.

Before service Wednesday night in Monterrey, we all stood to pray together. In Paducah, when we pray at the beginning of service, Bro. Encil says that we are standing to invite God in and to ask him to accept our sacrifice of praise. I began to pray to that effect in Monterrery that night, and when I asked God to accept our sacrifice, my heart was smitten within me. I thought, "My God, what sacrifice do I make compared with these people here?" We are blessed with such abundance in the American assemblies; I would encourage everyone to go into a mission field at least once and see the hunger that the people have for the Lord, notwithstanding their lack of material means. Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. In our society which is so centered on material things, we must take care not to hunger and thirst after stuff. We cannot serve God and mammon. We must keep our priorities straight.

We had a wonderful service in Monterrey that night. I was the translator for the service, so I got plenty of practice with my Spanish! I had to translate both ways, depending on who was speaking. Then, after talking all night long interpreting for others, Bro. Jose Luis asked me to have something to say myself. He smiled and said "He's been preaching all night long, but I'd like him to preach some more!" I actually tried to translate for myself, but after a few minutes, I just told my 3 fellow Americans that they already knew a lot of what I was saying anyway and that I was just going to speak in Spanish. It was much easier that way!

After service we went to find somewhere to eat. Some of us were craving American food and they told Bro. Jose Luis that while we really loved it, we were actually getting a bit tired of Mexican food. It was late, so we had a bit of trouble finding an American-stlye restaurant that was still open. After perhaps 30-45 minutes of driving around, Bro. Jose Luis (who is constantly joking around or teasing someone) said "I'm getting worried that if I don't find something soon, you all will eat me!" As soon as I had translated this, Kyle replied, "No no, you don't have to worry. We already said we're getting tired of Mexican food!" LOL Kyle is quick! I think he really earned Bro. Jose Luis's respect after that! ;-)

Tex-Mex Trip Report (Part 1)

2007-06-04T21:53:00.000-07:00

I just got back tonight from a loooonngg trip to the border and beyond. I had a great time, but I'm glad to be back home (for a few days, at least). Four of us from church went together: Eddie and Kim, Kyle, and me. We intended to visit several churches in Mexico, but ended up visiting more in Texas and only 2 in Mexico itself. Here's a brief rundown of the trip:

We left Paducah Friday, May 25th and drove about 15 hours to Houston. With stops it actually took a bit longer. We got into Houston after midnight and stopped over in a hotel for the night.

We drove about 6 more hours into Brownsville, TX Saturday and attended a graduation banquet for the 7 high school grads from the Brownsville assembly. We ate there and then went for a late snack afterward as well. I was craving some real tacos (barbacoa, made with lengua and cachete; mmmmm).

Sunday morning we had a really good service in Brownsville and a young man received the Holy Ghost who had been seeking it for a long time. He was from the church in Mission, TX--about an hour down the road. What a blessing to be there for a spiritual birth! After service we went out with the Rodriguezes to Taco Palenque and had the best fajitas ever.

Sunday night we went to the church in Mission. As Bro. Hugo later reported, the four of us worked as a great team in that service. Kyle played the piano, I sang, and Eddie and Kim prayed with people. We tried to do our part, but it was truly God who gave the increase! Two more people in Mission were baptized with the Holy Spirit that night! One of them was a young man who had been attending the church for several months and is now helping to interpret during the services. The other was the grandmother of the man who received the Holy Ghost that morning in Brownsville!

Monday we did a bit of sight-seeing. We went to Port Isabel to see the lighthouse on our way to South Padre Island. We met up on the Island with some old friends of Kim's and had lunch with them and visited at their home afterward. They were very nice and had a beatiful home with a great view of the bay. (Next time I go to South Padre, I'm calling ahead to make reservations to go parasailing. It looks like a blast!) That night it was back to Brownsville for the teaching service. Bro. Budd was in town and taught on the parable of Lazarus and the rich man. There were several visitors who really enjoyed the teaching, asking follow-up questions as well. This night was a nice break for us; we got to sit and listen and didn't have to talk!

Tuesday we were invited for lunch at the Gonzalez's house. We ate so much good food on this trip, but this was probably the best meal we had...stuffed peppers, rice, manzanita soda, and 2 different kinds of desserts. Wow. That night we went to San Benito, Texas for a home meeting. It was a small crowd, but the spirit was sweet. A sister has opened up her house to have meetings there every Tuesday night. There was one elderly sister there that was just so sweet and thankful for all of us being there. She kept praying for God to bless us. They normally have just a guitar in these services, but since they heard a piano player was coming, they managed to find a toy keyboard for Kyle to play on. It wasn't a grand piano, but they worshipped just as well. While we were in San Benito, Bro. Budd was in Mission for their weekly teaching service. There was a sister there in Mission who had seen the others receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit 2 days before. She had even asked Kim about it, and said that she didn't know if she could receive the Holy Ghost since she had been raised Catholic. Kim had assured her that God's Spirit is a gift available to all. So Tuesday night she asked Bro. Budd about the Holy Ghost: what it is and how she could receive it. He got very inspired while teaching on this subject, and they prayed for this sister there during the teaching service and she too received the Holy Ghost baptism! So that makes four people from one church that received the Holy Ghost in the same week! What a boost that's sure to be for the Mission assembly.

Minutes from the Des Moines Meeting

2007-05-23T00:23:00.000-07:00

Last Friday I got back from a wonderful trip to a four-day international general meeting of the Body of Christ hosted by the assembly in Des Moines, Iowa. This was my first time in Des Moines, and I had a great time! I enjoyed the fellowship with friends on the van there and back as well as at the meeting itself. I stayed in a hotel room with my pastor Bro. Encil Edmonds and had a good time with him too. (Even if he does sleep with the TV on all night and made fun of my skim milk!) ;-)

There were so many good things said by the ministers who spoke at this meeting that I could not hope to convey it all. It would be well worth it to order the DVDs from the meeting. I certainly left the meeting feeling like we had been well fed.

One of the salient features, for me, was the preponderance of international ministers who added so much depth to the services. Nearly half of the preachers were from outside the US, and they had such good things to say. It seems that God has been moving mightily around the world. The gospel message is truly reaching to the ends of the earth. There is much work still to do, no doubt, but thank God for men who have had a burden to labor in God's field abroad as well as here at home!

Here are just some of the highlights from the meeting that I wrote in my notes:

Tuesday night

Bro. Glenn Goodwin (Des Moines) opened the meeting with a message about the direction Christianity in general has been moving over the last 100 years as well as a call to us to be different than the "Wal-mart community church". His point was that churches have often catered to the desires of the community rather than being built on the foundation of the apostles and the prophets. We are to be a peculiar people! Some quotable quotes: "You don't judge a church by the problems it has, but by the way it handles the problems it has." "You will not ever be fulfilled until you're useful." "His burden is light but it still must be borne."

Bro. Eddie Gatsi (Zimbabwe) said, "As long as you are in the house of God, the space you are occupying is valuable space. God gives us space to become productive."

Wednesday

Bro. Dowson Meme (Mbale, Uganda) read a couple of scriptures from the old testament, one of which had Elijah seeking the Lord's voice in the wind, the earthquake, and the fire, but finding it in none of these. In the other location, God's voice was heard out of the midst of a fire. He used this to illustrate that we need to be ready to hear the voice of the Lord wherever it is found.

Bro. William Waters (Warren, MI) said that we are to adopt the priorities of Jesus Christ.

Wednesday Night

Bro. Langston Mboneka (Haboroni, Botswana) contrasted a fountain and a cistern. He pointed out that a cistern is something that is made by man. It collects dirt along with the water. A fountain, on the other hand, is natural, springing up from the ground, made by God. We want to be drinking from the fountain of living waters, not collecting tainted waters in our man-made cisterns!

Bro. Norbert Nwokeji (Nigeria) told of the first time that he came to Des Moines in 1985 and heard Bro. Lloyd Goodwin prophesy of the healing of the Body.

Bro. John Githinji (Hartford, CT) was very entertaining. He asked the rhetorical question, "Have you ever stood up to preach, and God sat down?" Other quotable quotes: "When the glory of God departs, man tries to manufacture his own glory." "There is not an African body, an American body, and an Indian body. There is ONE body! This is why I'm not going to start out by saying, 'I'm sorry I'm from Africa; I'm sorry I'm black; I'm sorry I'm white.' I'm your brother! God put me here! I'm not going anywhere!"

Thursday

Bro. Narrain Richards (Elmont, NY): "The image has become reality, and the shadow has become substance." (I just thought that was such a poetic way of expressing Christ's fulfillment of the Old Testament!) "There is an absolute God, but none of us knows Him absolutely. He does know us, though." How comforting to know that He knows me! "Egypt can make you a leader of man, but only the wilderness can make you a true servant of God."

Bro. Steve Wilkinson (Bourbannais, IL): "Grace by no means removes us from our responsibility. It enhances our responsibility because it removes any excuses that we may have in our minds." Particularly when we fail God, we may feel that our failures prevent us from doing His work, but grace removes that excuse. Not only does grace allow forgiveness of sin, it empowers us to serve Him in spite of failure. Bro. Wilkinson went on to point out the similarities between chastening and teaching (indeed, they're often translated from the same word). "Teaching is about showing us how to live a disciplined life and make wise choices." "A pastor comes with a set of strengths and a set of weaknesses. We can't focus on a minister's weaknesses or he won't be able to do a thing to help us." "Some day we'll be looking back at death rather than forward to it."

Bro. Billy Brown (Humble, TX): "We come to church to see what Jesus is doing and we read the morning paper to see what God is doing. God is still in charge of the world." "It takes you and God to get you saved. Phil. 2:13 shows that God helps us to want to do His will." "It's important to preach the gospel, but it's necessary to live it. Phil. 2:16 mentions 'holding forth the word of life.' We do this through our actions, by living that word of life."

Friday

Bro. Rick Moore (Akron, OH): "A teacher's greatest responsibility is to let his student become wiser than him." "Solomon made lots of mistakes, but we don't tear out the Proverbs or Ecclesiastes from the Bible. It wasn't Solomon that wrote those things alone, but God inspired him. We can't help but be marked by the spot of the teachers of our past, but we're seeking to be marked by the 'spot of his children.'(Dt. 32:5)"

This is just a sampling of the great words that I heard. I highly recommend the DVDs or CDs of the meeting. Thanks to my friends Aaron and Gina as well as the rest of the Des Moines assembly for your hospitality last week. I enjoyed hanging out with you and the kids and I definitely plan to return to Des Moines to visit again in the future!

I've BeenTagged!

2007-05-22T23:50:00.000-07:00

Here are the rules....Copy & Paste them into your own blog entry...

1.) Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

2.) People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things as well as post these rules.

3.) At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

4.) Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog!

Here are my eight, without further ado!

1. I like to watch Fiddler on the Roof at least once a year. I've never seen it live onstage, but I would love to sometime!

2. I go through phases where I play lots of chess for several months followed by phases where I may not play for a year. I am a member of the US Chess Federation, but my membership is about to expire and I haven't played in any tournaments for a LONG time, so I'll probably just let it. I think if I played regularly I could be a contender!

3. I have a weird pause thing that I have in my speech--not exactly a stutter, but more of an oddly-timed pause every once in a while. It must be inherited; my grandfather did it and my father does too. Even though I realize that I do it, I don't seem to be able to stop.

4. I try to eat oatmeal every day due to high cholesterol :-( . Good thing I like the stuff.

5. I would like to go skydiving, hanggliding, ride in a hot balloon, and go into space someday. Guess I've always had a thing about flying!

6. I love to sing in the car on trips to pass the time, and I really like for others to join in! I love to sing all the time, but especially when I'm travelling.

7. My grandmother was a Kentucky Colonel (just like Colonel Sanders of KFC fame!)

8. I once rolled a Geo Metro over several times, through the oncoming lane of traffic. It came to rest on its side on the opposite shoulder of the highway. Thank God I walked away without a scratch! (Hint: never look for something in the glove compartment while trying to drive!)

The lucky ones I'm going to tag are: Kyle D., Jennifer R., Ted R., Rachel H., Eddie W., Aaron W., Brad M., Mikey D.

4/16/07: When My Brother Falls

2007-04-16T22:36:00.000-07:00

There have been a few times in my life when someone that I was close to or that I looked up to and respected failed. Bro. Encil reminds us from time to time that we are all someone's "joint". (See Eph. 4:16.) When someone you have confidence in fails, you lose some of your support. We need one another, and we must draw strength from many people so that if one fails we still stand. I was thinking on some of these things today and I sat down and wrote the poem below. For me at least, it pretty well captures the grief I have felt when I've been let down and the desire to restore a brother or sister who has fallen.

When my brother falls,
It brings me to my knees.
How shall we escape, Oh God?
And not end up like these?

My brother was a strength to me.
He helped me on my way.
When I saw him choose this path,
How dark became my day!

Without him I will carry on;
I'll find a way somehow.
For others may gain strength from me;
I cannot let them down.

How can I prevent
The failure of a friend?
What can I do to stop someone
From rushing to his end?

We've prayed and preached;
We've prophesied.
Stood strong through storms;
Held standards high.

Perhaps if we'll keep praying
Knowing where we could have been,
The love we show may draw them back,
Restore them once again.

We must fight on who here remain!
We can't concede the fight!
Rely on one another
To make it through the night!

But as we go, we can't forget
Those lost along the path.
To be like Him we must show love
And mercy more than wrath.

4/11/2007: A whale of a long time to hold your breath

2007-04-11T21:56:00.000-07:00

I just found this information interesting and thought I'd post it. We humans are indeed fearfully and wonderfully made, but it is so amazing to look at the rest of creation as well! What wonderful works God has made! The article pasted below doesn't mention evolution specifically, but does frequently use the term "adaptation". Not a problem if you simply realize that God made the adaptations! ;-) You can find much more information about whales and other marine animals at the following site:

http://www.whalesonline.com/eng/FSC.html?sct=forum&pag=msglst.asp

Diving adaptations
Champion breath holders

Whales can remain underwater for long periods of time. How much time? A human can hold its breath for an average of a minute or a minute and a half; the world record is over 7 minutes. The record for whales belongs to the beaked whales and male sperm whales that can dive in excess of 120 minutes.

How is this possible? Some may believe that it is because their lungs are immense. However, all things considered, humans’ lungs are comparatively larger! A human’s lung represents approximately 1.75% of its total mass, while for the blue whale, this ratio falls to 0.73%. Curiously, it appears that small lungs are an adaptation for diving. In fact, water pressure, which increases with depth, compresses air filled lungs causing stress for lung tissue and the rib cage. A marine mammal that minimizes the volume of air that it carries with it while diving minimizes this stress. Some marine mammals actually expulse air contained in their lungs before diving.

Obviously whales must store their oxygen reserves elsewhere; namely in their blood and muscles. As with us, breathing oxygenates their blood. A whale exchanges 85% to 90% of the air in its lungs with each breath. Land mammals, by comparison, renew only 15% of the volume of air in their lungs with each breath. Whale blood is therefore oxygenated more efficiently, especially when one takes into account the fact that it is very rich in red blood cells, the cells responsible for the transportation of oxygen.

Whales also store oxygen in their muscles. Oxygen-fixing molecules similar to those found in red blood cells are present in great quantities in their muscles. This also explains why whale meat is so dark, almost black in the case of the sperm whale.

Yet, it is not enough to have good oxygen supplies when diving, it is also important to be frugal. Whales have several ways of doing this. While diving, they slow down their heart rate and their blood is used to supply oxygen to only the brain and vital organs. As well, they have the ability to adjust their behaviour and lower their temperature in order to save energy, which, of course, conserves even more oxygen. They can also use mechanisms that do not require oxygen. These are called anaerobic mechanisms, and they are the same as those that our tired muscles revert to when our lungs and heart can no longer supply enough oxygen to sustain their work.

All of these adaptations allow whales to efficiently live in the underwater world where they spend over 80% of their time, foraging, travelling and socialising. Whales are still tied to the surface and must come up periodically to breathe… to the great pleasure of whale watchers!

3/13/07: March/April/May Factoids

2007-03-13T21:40:00.000-07:00

May 2, 2007

Someone recently pointed out that my "quasi-daily" factoid is fast becoming "quasi-monthly". Sorry about that. Chalk it up to the last few weeks of the semester! I'm almost finished though: 3 more finals is it--last one on Monday, May 7th. Oh well, 2 factoids for the month of April...I'll try to do better in May. (Although I'm not making any promises. I'm planning to be out of town nearly half the month!) So you may just have to do without. :-)

April 9, 2007

I have jury duty this month. I know most people complain about the pitiful daily pay of $12.50, but when you aren't working anyway, that's not too bad! lol

I went for orientation Friday (that's $12.50 for about 45 minutes), then had to report again today. Someone in our ever-efficient local government called us in even though the court is on "spring break" this week, so I get another $12.50 for about 15 minutes today! That's a total of $25 for about an hour of "work". Wonder if they're looking for someone full-time?

April 1, 2007

So I've been thinking about it for the last few weeks, and after this semester is over I'm going to move down to Guatemala. Bro. Dale Hughes has been there for several months and (as you may have read in my last factoid) I recently met the pastor of a church down there. Bro. Medardo Guerra is his name, and he seems like a good man. I should be able to get a job there teaching English without any problem, and I'm sure Bro. Dale would love to have the company for the rest of the time he's down there. I don't know how long I'll stay...probably a year or two until I'm ready to come back to the states. By the way, if you've read this far and you actually believe this, happy April Fool's Day! ;-)

March 25, 2007

My Spanish skills got a good workout yesterday! I went to the fellowship meeting at Bro. Tim Hughes' in Elkton, KY and Bro. Dale was there with the pastor of the church he's currently attending in Guatemala. He introduced me to Bro. Guerra and asked if I would translate for him. I said I'd do my best (sore throat and all!) but I was SO relieved when I saw Bro. Rudy come in. He's a native of Guatemala himself (who recently became a naturalized citizen--Congratulations!) and is obviously much more fluent than I am. So he did most of the translating until he got tired. You don't realize how exhausting it is to speak non-stop for 3 or more! I took over for the last hour or so, then they asked Bro. Guerra to get up and speak at the end of the service. I tried to get Bro. Rudy to translate for him, but he pointed out that it would be easier for me since English is my native language. (It's always easier to translate from your second language TO your native language than vice versa.) So I stood and translated in front of everyone. It was just the 3rd or 4th time I've translated like that publicly, and it is nerve-wracking! He wasn't used to speaking with a translator, so he didn't pause to give me a chance to catch up! I had to really concentrate in order to try to listen and speak simultaneously! I was told afterward that at least once, I repeated something that he said in Spanish rather than translating to English! But I enjoyed it and was glad I could help.

March 21, 2007

I'm thinking about re-entering the work force. You know, not having a paycheck isn't all it's cracked up to be. LOL Seriously, though, I needed a break from work, but I think it's been long enough. I was going to start part-time asap, but then I started my new class and thought I'd wait. Also, I have lots of places I want to go out of town during May and June and it might be difficult to get off with a new job, so I think I'll wait till after camp meeting. Then it's back to the real world. (sigh...)

March 18, 2007

I have a new class starting this week. It's an accelerated Microeconomics class. Originally it was supposed to meet once a week for 3 hours on Tuesday nights for 5 weeks, but they changed it at the last minute to an all online course. (If they'd done this at the beginning of the semester we could have been working on the class all along.) So I've got to pack a semester's worth of work into the next 5 weeks. We've got to read at least 3 chapters every week and take 3 tests for a total of 15 tests plus the comprehensive final over the next 5 weeks. I'm gonna be busy!

March 15, 2007

I thought I'd made an 81 on my first test for my online stats class, but I was reviewing the test the other day and found a mistake: the computer counted my answer "5,340" wrong because it had a comma, which didn't exactly match the stored correct answer of "5340", so I emailed the professor and he corrected it, which brought my grade up to an 86 on the test, and my average in there is now (just barely) an A! So I'm straight A's again! I've just gotta keep it up for the second half of the semester now!

March 13, 2007

Well, since I took the pressure off by renaming this section Quasi-Daily, it's become more of a weekly feature. Hmmm, I'll try to be better about updating regularly, or, failing that, I'll be more truthful by renaming it the "Weekly Jonathan Factoid"! (Of course then I'll probably be even worse about posting regularly!) Ah well, an update to my last factoid: I did indeed set a new personal speed record on the hill I mentioned: 41.1 mph! (I can probably better that speed as well, but I may not push it until I find a straight line hill. On that one, I have to make 2 turns during the descent!)

March 7, 2007

Some more cycling stats for the last couple weeks if you're interested--2/28/07: 2 hrs 29 min, 32.46 miles; 3/2/07: 1 hr 33 min, 20.07 mi; 3/5/07: 1 hr 2 min, 14.92 mi; 3/7/07: 2 hrs 15 min, 31.68 mi, maximum speed-38.8mph!!! That was on a new hill that I just discovered today! It snuck up on me and I wasn't in the right gear, so I didn't even pedal down it at all; I'm sure to set a new record there soon! :)

3/9/07: How God is like a tree. (From the Deep Thoughts department)

2007-03-09T16:00:00.000-08:00

I was riding my bike today and saw a large tree that had been cut down. I do some of my best meditating while on my bike, and I'd been thinking about God, so I came up with this comparison between God and a tree. I'm not sure how truly valuable this thought is, but I thought I'd throw it out there anyway!

A tree is quite different from a human being, to state the obvious. We tend to anthropomorphize God, to conceive of Him as similar to a human. And rightly so! After all, the Bible tells us we are created in His image. But here's where He is more like a tree than like you or me: if we were to separate a part of our bodies--say a finger--from our bodies, then that part of our body would die; it would cease to have life. Not so with a tree: when a part of a tree is separated from the larger organism, the part that is separated retains life in itself. At least with most trees, if you take a cutting from it and plant it in the right kind of soil with the right nutrients etc., it will flourish and become a tree in its own right.

Similarly, when we receive the Holy Ghost, it is as if God separates a piece of Himself and plants it in us. If we provide the right kind of soil, that Spirit (the very life of God in us!) will flourish and grow in our lives and bear fruit. On the other hand, if we do not nurture this life that God has given us, it can die. I have heard it said that someone's Holy Ghost can't die, because the life of God cannot die. However, the way I conceive of this personally is like the tree. The fact that a piece has been removed from the original tree does absolutely nothing to diminish the life in the original tree. Even if that new tree that came from the original becomes diseased and dies it in no way makes the original tree any less alive.

So is the life of God. When He plants His life in us by baptizing us with His Spirit, we can nurture it so that the Spirit thrives within us, or we can starve it, mistreat it, not water it--or maybe even uproot it by actions that are displeasing to God--until it dies within us. Though that planting of the Spirit in us may die, it in NO way diminishes the life that exists independently in God.

No wonder the Psalmist compares the righteous man to a tree in 1:3--"And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper."

God's life is a precious gift that keeps on giving. It will bear fruit in our own lives, and in turn we can use that Spirit to water others that they may yield fruit as well!

Jn. 5:26 says "As the Father hath life in himself; so hath he given to the Son to have life in himself." I believe that, ultimately, overcomers will be given that kind of life as well. Then men will truly be trees of life in God's garden! What a goal to strive for!

2/22/07: First Ride of 2007!

2007-02-22T09:16:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I finally got out and rode my bike for the first time this year! The weather was perfect: 59 degrees, mostly sunny, and just a slight breeze. It really felt like Spring had sprung! I just hope this kind of weather sticks around for a while! Around 60 degrees is just right for cycling: it is cool enough that you don't overheat from the exertion, yet not so cool that you get chilly. (While you're actually riding, even 80 degrees doesn't seem too bad; you are constantly perspiring and being cooled as it evaporates very quickly due to the rush of the wind as you ride. However, you have to be sure to stay very well hydrated, or you can get sick. And the problem is that while you're comfortable during the ride itself on a hot day, as soon as you stop and get off the bike, you're pouring sweat and feel all icky!)

Anyway, I got home from class after taking a whopper of a Calculus test and got my bike out of the storage shed where it had lain in state for the last several months. Of course, I had to air up the tires and check the brakes before I took off. Everything seemed to be in working order, so I went in to get on my cycling gear.

The gear:
*A long-sleeved blue and gray jersey and "north face" exercise pants over cycling shorts (for the much-needed padding). I need to get some pics of myself in this getup to post on here for laughs...this particular jersey and pants combo somewhat resembles the Starfleet uniforms from Star Trek: The Next Generation! lol
*Padded gloves. You'd be surprised at how much stress riding puts on your hands during a long ride. My hands will begin to cramp up after an hour or so, and on a ride of more than a couple hours, they will sometimes start to go numb. You have to consciously change your position on the handlebars frequently to help avoid this for as long as possible.
*Helmet. Mine is blue with lots of holes for airflow and a visor to keep the sun out of your eyes. It may look pretty goofy, but if I'm ever in an accident, I'll be glad I was wearing it. You may not know that a bicycle helmet is only good for one crash...if the helmet actually crunches into the pavement or some other hard object at any kind of speed, it will fracture and must be replaced. It is designed to do this, so that it's the helmet and not your skull!
*Tennis shoes. I really don't look like a dedicated cyclist wearing my tennis shoes. One of these days I'll break down and buy a set of clips and shoes. These are special pedals and cycling shoes designed to clip in to them so that your feet can't accidentally slip off of the pedals; to dismount, you rotate your foot to one side, and then they come out of the clips. Unfortunately, the cheapest set costs about $90. Maybe I'll stick with the tennis shoes for a while.
*My heart-rate monitor. This is what I spent my money on last year instead of the clips and shoes! It's a pretty cool gadget! The sensor straps around my chest under the jersey and wirelessly beams my heart rate info to an on-board bike computer that will display my current heart rate and even sound an alarm if the rate goes above or below the heart rate training zone that I've programmed in. The display also shows the time, my current and average speed for the ride, and the distance for the ride as well as a total distance "odometer". Somehow I accidentally reset the odometer last year, but I'm going to try to keep up with my total distance ridden for 2007.

My bike itself is a Trek 1500 road bike. Here's what it looks like:
It's a mid-level road bike that is pretty comfortable for the most part. I bought it in 2005 and have put quite a few miles on it. I hope to put more miles on it this year than I have yet.

So my ride yesterday went pretty good. It was a pretty long ride for my first one of the year, but I was holding up well, so I kept pushing. I ended up riding for 2 hours and covering just under 26 miles, with quite a few hills in there! When I lived in the middle of town the last couple of years, I was riding on mostly flat terrain, but out here where I am now, I can see that I'll be getting a lot more hills in. I never did have to get off the bike and walk, though, so that's something. I tried to keep my heart rate around 160 beats per minute most of the time. I ended up with an average heart rate of 154. My average speed was 12.4 mph, and my top speed was 33.3mph. That feels REALLY fast when you're flying downhill on a bike! You really have to keep an eye out for obstacles; hitting even a small obstacle while descending at that speed can cause you to lose control.

I rode mostly low-traffic roads and just really enjoyed the weather and the scenery. I rode through some pretty wooded areas as well as some farmland. It's always refreshing to get out there and enjoy nature! Of course, then there are the dogs...

I encountered probably 7 or 8 on this ride, 3 or 4 of which decided to give chase. One was a scary-looking rottweiler, but I was able to sprint away without any problem. There's nothing like a rabid beast just off your back tire to inspire you to sprint like a Tour de France champion! I've encountered countless dogs in my riding over the last several years, but never yet been caught by one. You can pretty much always out-ride a dog. You have to always be aware of your surroundings while on a bike, though. The danger comes when a dog jumps out of a ditch unexpectedly and startles you, causing a wreck. You'll probably be ok if you don't overreact, just stay focused, dig into the pedals, and maintain control of the machine.

My route was not really planned ahead of time. I did consult Google maps for a general idea of where I was headed, but I ended up backtracking some, and toward the end of the ride I went in circles a bit before finding the road I was looking for. I'm just not that familiar with all the back roads in this part of the county. Hence, if you were to map out yesterday's route, it would probably look something like the circuitous meanderings of Billy from the "Family Circus" comic strip! lol Another gadget that I'd like to get at some point is a GPS unit for my bike! (That's probably a bit of overkill; I doubt I'll actually plunk down the cash for that one, but it would be cool!)

So I finally made it home still feeling pretty good--until I got off the bike and tried to walk! My legs felt like they were about half filled with jello! lol The good (and somewhat inexplicable) thing about cycling as a sport, though, is that while you may feel very weak when you first finish a ride, you tend to recover pretty quickly. After about an hour, my legs felt fine. They're still good today, too, although my rear end is a bit sore...even with the extra padding of the cycling gear, the saddle on a road bike is not very forgiving. I'll get used to it with a few more rides, though, I'm sure!

Until next time...

2/16/07: Song Lyrics

2007-02-16T21:59:00.000-08:00

I just thought I would share the lyrics to a song that the Lord gave me about 5 or 6 months ago. I was reading Isaiah 43, and I got these words. The chorus is pretty close to the scripture, but the verses are more personal. I plan on singing this in church pretty soon; I've just had trouble getting with Bro. Bernard to get it polished! Maybe in the next couple of weeks we'll be ready to do it!

Fear Not, For I Have Redeemed You

Chorus: Fear not, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by your name; you are mine. When you pass through the flood, I will be with you; the rivers shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you'll not be burned; nor shall the flame kindle upon you. For I'm the Lord Your God. You are precious in my sight! I have loved you. Fear not; for I am with you.

Verse 1: The Lord is mighty. His wonders amaze! He is greater than man's mind can comprehend. He hung the universe on nothing. He holds the wind in the palm of His hand. To think that He who created all things by His Word looked down on me and He called me by name!

Verse 2: When in the valley I stumble along, sometimes it seems every footstep is wrong. I look to Him for I know He knows the answer. I know that He is my Shepherd and Guide. So even when I don't seem to want Your leading in my life, oh lead me Lord and give me strength to stand!

Verse 3: The trials of life can sometimes overwhelm. You feel alone, with no hope, without a friend. Then He in love speaks your name in the tempest and reminds you the storm is in His hands. You are His child, and He will never leave you alone, so trust in Him, and just keep holding on!

2/14/07: My Love Story

2007-02-14T20:36:00.000-08:00

I recently read on a couple of other people’s blogs their love stories of how they met and fell in love with their spouses. As many of you know, I was divorced from my wife of 8 years last summer. Even so, I couldn’t help but think of our story as I read about others’. So this blog is a rather unorthodox “love story”. Stick with me; I think I’ll be able to leave you hopeful rather than heartbroken. (If not, I just won’t post this…)

I met Crystal when I was 17 years old and she was 15. I was visiting in Paragould, Arkansas at Bro. Bass’s church and she was visiting there for the first time. She had attended a nominal church with her grandmother more out of habit than conviction, but was good friends at school with a girl in Bro. Bass’s assembly. I didn’t speak more than a few words to her in greeting, but something intrigued me about her. Of course, I would never have considered a relationship with someone who didn’t share my faith, but I must admit that she would pop into my mind every so often over the next year or so, and I would ponder whether anything ever came of that little girl in Arkansas. Would it just maybe be possible that she had ended up in Bro. Bass’s church? If so, then maybe, just maybe… could she someday be the one? She had seemed genuinely interested in the church, but it was her very first time there, so I didn’t particularly expect her to be back.

A little over a year later, in February of 1997, I happened into Paragould again on my way to the general meeting in Houston. This time I was privileged to be traveling with Bro. Cager Noles, Eddie Warner, and Jonathan Bruyns. When we got to the church for service that night, I looked around to see if I would by chance spot Crystal in the crowd, but I did not. Oh well, I thought, it must have been just a passing fancy of an adolescent mind. We went on to Houston and had a great time at the meeting fellowshipping with friends. On the way back to Paducah, we stopped by Paragould again to visit with the Basses. We planned to eat lunch with them and then head on back to Paducah rather than staying for service this time. We headed out of town and got about 15 miles down the road when Bro. Noles started having car trouble.

Bro. Bass had to come and pick us up and Bro. Noles’ car had to go into the shop for repairs, and we stayed another night in Paragould and were in service there again. When we got to the church and the people started filing in for service, I was extremely surprised to see Crystal walk through the door. Come to find out, she had been sick with the flu the previous weekend and had not been able to be in service. To my surprise, I found out that she been attending church there that whole past year, had received the Holy Ghost soon after I had first met her, and had really grown spiritually into one of the most faithful young women in the assembly. We spent some time together eating after church with a large group of young people, and then we went back to the church and all gathered around the piano singing church songs together till late in the night. I watched Crystal all that evening and I must admit I was smitten.

A couple of months went by during which I prayed about the situation, and finally I worked up the nerve to call and speak with Bro. Bass about Crystal. (Her father was not a godly man, and I’d never met him at the time; Bro. Bass was really more of a father figure to her than anyone at the time.) Bro. Bass encouraged me to pursue a relationship with Crystal, assuring me that she was a very intelligent, talented, and faithful young woman who really had a love for the word of God. She would often approach him after service asking for clarification of something he had said or with a Bible question that she had after studying on her own. He told me that of all the young women in his church, Crystal was probably the most likely to listen to his counsel and submit to it.

That was pretty much all I needed to hear. I sent her a letter and we began corresponding by mail and talking on the phone as well. I was a student at the community college in Paducah at the time, and Crystal received an early admission scholarship to Arkansas State University, skipping her senior year of high school and heading straight to college that Fall at the age of 17. By late Summer, we were seriously discussing the possibility of marriage and of my moving to Paragould to be closer to her and to finish my Bachelors degree at ASU. I moved the day after Christmas, 1997. On New Year’s Day 1998, we went to Memphis for dinner and I proposed. She said yes, and we immediately began making wedding plans. We got married on July 11, 1998. I was 20 years old, and it was exactly 2 months after she turned 18.

My philosophy on getting married at the time was that if you knew that this was the person you wanted to marry, why wait until you’re older? We were both adults, and mature for our age. Well, looking back, I would now generally counsel young people to wait until they’re a bit older. I realize that is sometimes easier to say than do. I didn’t listen when people suggested that then, either. (Just for the record, I don’t blame the divorce on the age at which we married…many, many marriages that happen at young ages are great successes; this is just a suggestion based on my own experience.)

Well, our marriage was a happy one. We always communicated with each other better than most people that I have seen, we served the Lord together, we read the Bible together, and we genuinely enjoyed being together. I still look back with fondness on our relationship and thank the Lord for the good times that we had together. I told this part of the story to make the point that my marriage was not some terrible thing that I was glad to be rid of. The next part of the story isn’t meant to be just a sad tale…there is a point to this. I sincerely hope that it doesn’t come across as plying for sympathy or as running down my ex-wife. It is solely intended to give my perspective on things and to testify of what the Lord has done through these circumstances in my life. When my marriage died, I lost something that was valuable and good. We really did have a great relationship.

Somewhere along the way, however, things started to change for Crystal. She began to question her faith, her belief in the teachings of the church and even the very existence of God. It’s not something that I ever fully understood. She was solid in her faith at one time. It is sobering and a bit frightening to see someone turn away from God. We would all be wise to pay attention to 1 Cor. 10:12—“Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.” The best way that I know to describe what happened to Crystal is that at some point she began to have a growing dissatisfaction with her life that gnawed at her. She began to wonder where she would be if she hadn’t come into the church as a teenager, and eventually she started taking steps, one by one, that led to a situation where she could find out. I don’t know exactly when this started, but I do remember seeing some things in her spirit periodically that concerned me from fairly early in our marriage. By the time we decided to move to Paducah from Paragould in 2004, others had noticed that she didn’t appear to be happy in church anymore.

About a year after we moved to Paducah, she quit going to church. I will spare you most of the details, but suffice it to say that seeing my wife, the woman I loved, slowly give up her relationship with the Lord was heartbreaking. It was like watching the one you love slowly die over a period of months and years, yet being powerless to stop it. Needless to say, I counseled with the ministry several times along the way. I tried to be a good example of Christ’s love for the church in the way I treated Crystal throughout this time. I am just a man, and I’m sure I failed to truly love her as Christ loves, but I tried my best.

Bro. Bernard Lewis frequently says that we human beings are “cursed with the luxury of free will”. Crystal was free to choose her path. I couldn’t make those choices for her. Honestly, before Crystal ever left church, I saw the hand writing on the wall. I specifically remember standing in my apartment crying months before she actually stopped attending church. She had made a relatively insignificant decision not to be in the choir when we were invited to join, but when she told me that she didn’t want to go, it was as if I could see the future stretched out before me. I felt in my heart that the process had started, and that if she didn’t turn around, she would end up leaving the church and eventually leaving me as well. I am reminded of a song that we all should sing to the Lord if ever we find ourselves in a situation where the decisions we’re making will lead us away from Him if we continue:

Lord I need to feel Your Spirit and the joy in my soul,
And the sweet peace that only comes when Jesus has control.
I don’t walk to walk this road; I know where it ends.
Lord I need to feel Your Spirit once again!

Unfortunately, she never decided to stop walking the road that she was on. I could see the end of it (as least as it related to me); others could see it as well, and tried to talk to her. Honestly I think she could see where it was headed too, but she chose to continue down the path. As she grew further away from the Lord, she grew further away from me as well. She told me at one point that if she’d had her druthers, I would have left church with her when she did, but she knew that I wasn’t going to do that. Even if I had, our marriage may have survived a bit longer than it did, but it would have been destined for failure still, because she would have lost all respect for me if I had given up on everything that she knew I believed in so strongly.

We never really stopped getting along. That wasn’t the problem. She just didn’t want to live the kind of lifestyle that I wanted for us, and I was not going to live the kind of lifestyle she wanted either. I still believe that if she had chosen to stay and be content to be my wife, even if she didn’t choose to go to church, we would have settled into a comfortable sort of relationship with time. It would not have been easy; I would have been praying for her to return to God until the day I died (I still do pray for her, by the way), but I think we could have made it work. However, on May 8, 2006, she decided to leave. She filed for divorce shortly thereafter, and it was final on June 20.

The moment that she left, I knew that that was it. I realize that some people separate and then get back together; I just knew that we were not those people. She was not the type of person to make decisions hastily. Many people who separate do so in anger. Often they have threatened to leave multiple times when arguing over the years. Crystal had never once threatened to leave. It was very seldom that we even spoke to each other in anger. We just didn’t have that kind of relationship. Over the months after she left church, we discussed the situation several times, and things were said that hurt, yes, but they weren’t said in anger—just in honest assessment of the situation. It hurt because I knew that our marriage was likely to end soon if things didn’t change, and I didn’t see any desire on her part to make that happen.

Now to tell the real love story in this whole seemingly sad tale: God made Himself so real to me through this ordeal. Before Crystal ever left church, He began to prepare me to face the trial that He knew was coming. I believe that His hand was in the move back to Paducah and the job that I had at the time. He began to strengthen me spiritually for the stormy seas that my ship was bound for. He brought friends into my life who were there for me to cry with and lean on when I felt like I couldn’t make it. He gave people words of encouragement to give me which helped to prepare me for the trials.

In one particular instance we had an outpouring of the Spirit in a service and I ended up getting prayed for in the foyer in the back of the church. This was several months before Crystal actually left. Sis. Kaythern Medley prayed with me and spoke these words to me under the anointing of the Spirit: “There’s a storm coming. You need to be prepared. But you must remember that you have Jesus with you! The disciples were in the ship that night and the storm began to rage and they were frightened…but they forgot that Jesus was in the ship!” The mere words can’t convey the spiritual energy that came along with her message to me that night. I knew that although I was going to face the most difficult trial of my life, I was going to come through it alright if I would just trust in Him!

As I said, I felt like I knew what was coming for some time before Crystal actually left. In some ways, I felt that the waiting and wondering what might happen was worse than the actual fact of her leaving would be. During those dark months of anticipation, I steeled myself for what by that point seemed inevitable. It had become clear that she was no longer happy with our life together; I just didn’t know how long it would take for her to make the decision to leave. I prayed that God would deal with her during this time, and I believe He did, but she wasn’t hearing. I knew that if I preached to her, it would only push her away sooner. So I prayed, waited, and tried to prepare my heart for the worst.

But you really can’t prepare yourself for something like that. When it came, it hit me like a ton of bricks; even if you know that it’s coming, it’s gonna hurt! I’d never really experienced depression until the months after my separation and divorce. Not long after Crystal left, I was getting ready for church in my apartment one Sunday morning, and I just began to cry uncontrollably (I did that many times during those months). I’d never experienced such a deep feeling of despair before. I’ve heard people describe panic attacks before, and this seems to be the only thing that I’ve heard of that sounds similar to what I experienced that morning.

There was a dull ache in the center of my chest. I couldn’t help but cry out uncontrollably. I hurt all over physically. Worst of all, I could not catch my breath. The grief, the fear, and the loneliness that I was feeling all manifested themselves physically in my body and it felt like I was dying. I cried out to the Lord as clearly as I could with the little breath I could muster. Several times, I managed to get out the phrase “Lord, give me peace!”

I honestly don’t know if I can describe the feeling that began to overwhelm me with that plea to God for help. Despair was replaced by peace. Fear was replaced by calm. Loneliness was replaced by the assurance that no, I was not alone! I had His Spirit there to comfort me! I knew intellectually that Jesus had promised to send the Comforter, and I knew that He had given me that precious gift of the Holy Spirit as a child nearly 20 years before, but I had never so needed the peace and comfort that only He can give until that moment.

Even in the midst of despair and anguish over the things that I was facing, God preserved my soul. I could have been bitter. I could have been paralyzed by anger at Crystal, at myself, at God. From before Crystal ever actually left, I prayed that God would keep me from bitterness. He answered that prayer for me! After all I went through, I could still thank God for the marriage that I’d had, even as I grieved its loss. I can still praise God for the very free will that allowed Crystal to make the decisions she did. If it weren’t for that freedom—that ability to choose—that God grants us as human beings, I couldn’t have chosen to live for Him. I cannot blame God for the circumstances that I’ve faced. But I can praise God for what He has done for me and in me through this trial!

I was recently speaking with my pastor, and he pointed out that, as difficult as this has been for me, it has made me a better person. He quoted Eccl. 7:3—“Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better.” I’d read this before and had applied it to the immediate heartaches that we face, but the way that Bro. Encil used it made me see another application of this verse. Disappointments in life can fundamentally change one’s heart for the better, long-term. I don’t believe that God caused this to happen in my life, but I do believe that God has used this experience to work something good in me. I feel closer to Him because of this last couple of years than I ever have before.

I have written before about some of the ways that God was there for me during this time, but I just felt compelled to tell the rest of the story here. The greatest love story of all time is that of the love that God shows to His children through His Son Jesus Christ! “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down His life for his friend.”—Jn. 15:13. Jesus laid down his life for me and you! God sent Him to do so, that sinful man might be reconciled to Him. No greater love story could ever be written!

2/10/07: My other New Year's Resolution

2007-02-10T12:33:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't posted much lately; I've been busy with school and when I am online I have been reading other folks' blogs quite a bit. Lots of inspiring stuff out there. Thanks to everyone who shares!

I just wanted to update my last post about my New Year's resolution for 2007. I am still working on being healthier; haven't given up yet, and we're 6 weeks into the year now, so maybe it's a habit at this point!

The other more important resolution that I made is to start really focusing on memorizing scripture. I made a commitment to read my Bible through in 2006, and despite falling behind for a couple of months during the summer, I managed to catch up and finished it all just before going to the Mt. Carmel youth meeting. It's amazing how every time you read the Word, you find things that you never noticed in there before! I will of course still read as well, but I want to read more for specific subjects and study than just to finish the whole book this time.

The reason that I decided to work on memorizing instead of just reading the Bible through this year is that it often seems that I can "quote at" a scripture pretty good, but don't know where to find it. When a minister is up preaching, I can usually finish up the verses he starts, but I have to resort to my concordance to find it. This is particularly bad if I'm the one up talking. I would like to get to the point where I've got enough scriptures solidly lodged in my mind that when I'm up speaking or just witnessing to someone individually that the Spirit can quicken a scripture to my mind and I can go directly to it, or give the reference so that others can find it. I've heard it said that the Spirit can't "quicken" something to you if it's not in your mind in the first place!

So I'm using note cards to write down scriptures that I'd like to commit to memory. I write the tex on the front of the card and the location on the back. That way I can glance at the first few words of the location, close my eyes, and see if I can finish it and give the chapter and verse as well. Sometimes I do it backwards... flip the cards over and look at the location and quote the verse from memory.

My plan is to memorize one location a week. Each location usually includes 2 or 3 consecutive verses. I'm keeping the old cards and recycling so that I continue to keep all of them fresh in my mind. This way, by the end of the year, I will have memorized 52 different locations of scripture. I plan to choose the scriptures in several different ways: sometimes those that I often hear quoted in church, other times verses that are particularly meaningful to me, and at other times I may learn several locations that help reinforce a particular doctrine or go along with a particular subject.

I just wanted to let others know what I'm doing that seems to be working for me in case you might want to try it, and also to cement my own commitment to continue doing this. I did good with this for the first 3 or 4 weeks, then I got out of the habit for a couple of weeks until a few days ago. I believe writing it down will help me to keep it up! I may blog about particular verses that I'm memorizing throughout the year. I've already discovered that this is a good way to meditate on the Word! I try to keep the cards handy and when I have a few spare minutes during the day, I'll grab them and think on them for a few minutes. It helps to refocus your mind as you go through your day.

2/2/07: February Factoids

2007-02-02T10:10:00.000-08:00

January Factoids...

February Factoids:

February 27, 2007

Wow, where has February gone? I had 3 major tests all in the past week. Didn't do as well as I would've liked in Statistics :(. I had an 81%, but the class average was a 63, so I guess I didn't do too bad! (Hmmm...brings to mind the scripture that says "They that compare themselves among themselves are not wise.") Calculus was better with a 94.5, and I'll find out tomorrow how I did in Accounting.

February 23, 2007

NOTICE: The Factoid is taking a much-needed vacation through the weekend. Hopefully it will be well-rested and back to work come Monday. Please pray for its safe journey and soon return.

February 22, 2007

I took my first bike ride of the season yesterday! I actually just attempted to post a blog about it, but unfortunately I hit the back button and it all disappeared. :( I'll try to re-write it later on, but in the meantime, here's the stats of my first ride of 2007!

Wednesday, February 21: Distance: 25.74 miles. Time: 1 hour, 59 minutes. Average heart rate: 154 beats per minute. Average speed: 12.4 mph. Maximum speed: 33.3 mph.

February 21, 2007

I once mistakenly told a police officer that my height was 6 feet, 5 and a half inches. He just looked at me and said "you wanna run that by me again?". The bad thing is, it took me like 3 times before I realized that I was saying it backwards. I'm actually 5 feet 6 and a half inches! lol I'm sure the policeman went home and enjoyed telling that story to his wife and kids that night!

February 20, 2007

I can juggle! This isn't a skill that has earned me a lot of money over the years, but it is good for entertaining small children and easily amused adults! How do you learn? Spend a summer really bored with lots of oranges and plenty of free time. (Worked for me at least! I was too young to get a job!)

February 19, 2007

When I was a teenager I went through a phase where I slept out on my front porch one summer. It was kinda like camping out in that you get to sleep with the sound of the crickets and wake with the dawn, but all the modern conveniences are just inside!

February 18, 2007

Another Granny factoid for you: once when Granny lost her shoes, she looked all over the house and was having trouble finding them. She actually went to the freezer and looked inside just in case she might have put them in there for some reason! (Thank goodness they didn't end up in there! I don't know where they ended up for sure, but I'm assuming she did end up finding them eventually!)

February 17, 2007

When I was a teenager, I had a hamster named Myrtle who attempted to commit suicide. Well, at least she hung herself (by her teeth) from the top of her wire cage. When I came in and found her, presumably lifeless, hanging from the top of her cage, it was rather startling. I managed to free her and held her in my hand. To my astonishment, she started jerking! She was still alive! I tried to nurse her back to health over the next several days with advice from the vet by phone. Unfortunately, she didn't make it. I was never particularly attached to the little rodent, but during her convalescence I bonded with her, and I was actually pretty sad when she failed to pull through. RIP Myrtle.

February 16, 2007

I enjoy playing racquetball. I learned while I was in college; I took a racquetball course for my required "Activity PE" credit. If you are playing with an evenly matched partner, it can be a pretty fast-moving game and a great workout, not to mention a lot of fun!

I have learned though, that you can't walk onto a tennis court after playing racquetball if you've never learned how to play tennis beforehand. A buddy of mine, Jeremy, from Arkansas, and I tried to go out and play tennis after playing racquetball, and it didn't work so well! When we tried to hit the tennis ball, it sailed waaaaayy over the fence! lol The ball is quite different and the style of the swing to hit the ball is much different as well. We ended up going back in to the racquetball courts after about 5 minutes! :o)

February 15, 2007

My dad is building a new house, and he's acting as his own contractor. He's not exactly in a great hurry, though. I think he's been working on it for about 4 years now. lol It's actually still just a basement, but they're planning on moving in once they get the whole basement finished. (The basement alone is huge in itself.)

A couple of years ago, he was working on getting the roof put on the basement and installing a special rubber material to seal it from the weather until he gets the upper stories built. He was in a crunch for time and asked if I could come help. I was working at the apartment complex at the time, and there was a crew of about 20 guys, mostly Mexicans, working on the renovation project there. I asked if anyone would like to volunteer to help my dad with his roof. (I was careful to point out that it would be no pay, unless you count cookies and cokes!)

Well, needless to say, my dad's eyes got really big when I rolled up in his driveway with a crew of about 8 or 10 guys! We finished the roof that night in about 3 hours. He said it would have taken him and my stepbrother till the next morning to get it done otherwise, and there was a storm threatening! I was glad the guys were so generous to come and help!

February 14, 2007

Well, it's Valentine's Day, so here's a VDay factoid for ya: this is the first VDay in about 10 years that I haven't had a Valentine! :-( I'm not really sad though. I'm actually content at this point with where my life is! (Perhaps this will be my last VDay alone! Who knows? Not me! ;o) LOL)

February 13, 2007

Believe it or not, I actually understand the formulas below! These are some of the rules for differentiation of functions. Just thought I'd share some of what I've been learning in Calculus!:
d/dx c = 0
d/dx x^n = n[x^(n-1)]
d/dx (cf) = cf'
d/dx (f+g) = f'+ g'
d/dx (f-g) = f' - g'
d/dx (fg) = f'g + fg'
d/dx (f/g) = (gf' - g'f)/g^2
d/dx f(g(x)) = f'(g(x))(g'(x))
d/dx [g(x)]^n = n[g(x)^(n-1)]g'(x)
Enjoy! :-P

February 12, 2007

My mom is in Minnesota this week and next for work! Usually I sort of envy her being able to travel so much for her job, but not this week: they're supposed to have a low of 4 degrees BELOW ZERO Wednesday! Poor Mom!

February 11, 2007

My Granny Wanda used to have a yellow canary named, appropriately enough, Tweety Bird. Tweety Bird lived to be way older than most birds do. She was the only bird I've ever seen that had been trained to "kiss" people. She'd sit on your shoulder and if you turned your head toward her and cooed "Tweety's a pretty bird", she'd kind of peck all over your lips...kind of nasty now that I think about it.

February 10, 2007

I went shopping yesterday and bought myself 6 new shirts! That might not be a big deal for most of you, but I hadn't bought myself new clothes in ages. I had nice uniform shirts provided at my job for the last couple of years, so I was down to only 4 or 5 casual shirts that I wore regularly. My mom told me about some clearance-priced shirts at JC Penney's, so I went and checked them out. All six were only $3.97 each! So I got 6 nice new casual shirts for a total of like $25! Woo-hoo! (Indulge me; it's not often I get excited about shopping.)

February 9, 2007

My great-grandfather, Thomas Harry DeSpain, died before I was born, but his wife (Nana, as we called her) told me lots of stories about him before she passed away when I was 9. He didn't have much education, but he was highly intelligent and very mechanically inclined. He worked for a local textile company, and invented several machines to automate their manufacturing process. He was awarded 7 patents, but since the inventions were done as part of his work for Southern Textile, the company retained the rights.

The more interesting story is that he apparently invented the automatic transmission as well! He took his design to a contact that he had in the military to see if they might be interested in adapting it for use in military vehicles. The man told him that they weren't interested; there was no need for such a device. A year or two later, according to Nana's story, they found out that the man he'd shown his drawings to had gone to the patent office and claimed the invention for his own! Thus I lost my chance at being born with a silver spoon in my mouth and being independently wealthy for the rest of my life!

February 8, 2007

Ok, just so you know, I don't make a habit of reading bathroom stall graffiti, but I recently saw something in the bathroom on campus that actually made me think. Someone scrawled the sentence "We have all stopped living." No explanation--that was it. Wow.

February 7, 2007

I can't believe I'm actually about to say this...I'm actually kind of enjoying Calculus! I always did decently in math, but I never really enjoyed it, but this stuff is actually halfway interesting! I thought it was gonna be my worst class, but now it looks like it's not so bad after all! Who would have thunk it?

February 6, 2007

I have never interviewed for a job that I haven't been offered. I've filled out applications and never been called in for an interview, but every time I have actually gotten to the interview stage, they've ended up offering me the job. Once I thought I'd broken my streak when I was looking for a teaching job, but the school principal called me back weeks later (after I'd already signed a contract elsewhere) and asked if I still wanted the job. So my perfect record stands! I realize that's unlikely to continue indefinitely, but it's a pretty good track record to date!

February 5, 2007

I think college textbooks are a racket! I recently purchased a USED textbook for $120!!! I had to go to an off-campus bookstore to find the used copy. The campus store had only new copies left, and they were $170! How ridiculous is that? You can go to any "normal" bookstore and purchase a REALLY nice beautiful leather-bound classic work of literature for less than a college textbook, but since publishers know that students are required by instructors to purchase their books, they can get away with charging pretty much whatever they want! (And a guy at the bookstore said that instructors are in the publishers' pockets. Particularly at bigger schools, instructors get all kinds of free perks from the publishers when they agree to adopt their books.) Grrrrrr!

February 4, 2007

I haved a great-aunt Vitrude who moved to New York City back in the 1960s. She has one of the most unusual jobs that I've heard of: she's a freelance indexer. So basically she is hired by a publisher and given the task of reading a manuscript and creating an index for the book to be published! This was a dream job for Aunt Vitrude who loves to read constantly. Since her degree is in zoology, she started out indexing scientific texts, but has since done everything from encyclopedias to biographies. And to think...when she started there were no computers to help with this sort of thing; she had to do it all by hand! Though she does have a computer now, it is a bit out of date; it still operates out of DOS, no Windows to be seen. Somehow I doubt she'll be getting a blog anytime soon!

February 3, 2007

I try to do push-ups and crunches at least twice a day. Just started at the beginning of this year, but I'm keeping it up! I've been doing 35 pushups 2 or 3 times per day, plus 40 crunches each time I do pushups as well. I'm pretty much staying slightly sore all the time, but I do take a day or 2 off per week to let my muscles heal up before I get after it again. Ok, I know that was a lame factoid, but I'm running short on inspiration at the moment! lol

February 2, 2007

I have been staying up way too late! I can't seem to get to bed until 2am lately. This is not a good thing! I skipped my first class of my graduate career this past Wednesday! (I convinced myself that I can learn Accounting out of the book as well as from the lecture! :oP )I'm going to start doing better now...

February 1, 2007

I got a 95.5% on my first Calculus test! Woohoo! Unfortunately, it was just more of a review of algebra...now we're getting to the hard stuff! Wish me luck!

1/17/07: January Factoids...

2007-01-17T10:05:00.000-08:00

January 31, 2007

I had a regular newspaper column in my high school newspaper. The paper was called "The Tilghman Bell". My column? "The Bell Tone", of course! :P

January 30, 2007

I decided I wanted to be a teacher in 7th Grade when I had Mr. Sandefer for Social Studies. He would show slides of trips to Egypt and other exotic locales and I decided that I wanted to be like him! Once I got to high school and took Spanish I decided to teach that instead of History or Social Studies. I got the degree and taught for 3 years. I still love the language and some parts of teaching, but I don't think a classroom full of adolescents is the place for me! If I get back into teaching, it would be either at the college level or in a private school, possibly in administration, but I really don't see myself teaching in the public school system again.
January 29, 2007

One of my long-term dreams is to open a private school some day. I'd like to have a rigorous, academy-style K-12 school focused on delivering a higher quality education than available elsewhere. (It would have no religious affiliation--let the parents and churches teach doctrine; the school would be strictly academics.) I would probably have a curriculum based on the concept of "cultural literacy" described by E.D. Hirsch in his books "Cultural Literacy" and "The Schools We Need (And Why We Don't Have Them)". I even have a working name for the school: "Renaissance Academy". If it happens, it probably wouldn't be for years down the road. I would need lots of money to get started right and be able to afford to pay for the good teachers that I would want. Anyone care to make a donation???

January 26, 2007

My very first car was a 1978 Cadillac Coupe de Ville! It was something of a family heirloom. LOL My grandmother had bought it new in 1978 and she drove it for probably 11 or 12 years. Then my mom drove it for some time, and my sister drove it as well for a couple of years, then finally it came down to me! Talk about a land barge! That car was HUGE, but it had some serious power. It was hideous--dingy white and brown with bondo filling in some of the larger rusty places--but I grew to love it in a weird sort of way. I must say, I was the only kid at PTHS who drove a Caddy! :P

January 25, 2007

I am a chess player. Though I haven't played much in the last 3 years, I learned when I was very young and tied for second place in a decent sized tournament when I was 11 or 12. Then I got back into a local chess club when I lived in Arkansas and I earned the title of Northeast Arkansas Chess Champion 2003! (That sounds more impressive than it is...there were only like 9 people in the tournament! LOL) So, if anyone knows how to play and would like a game, send me a message and we'll get together online and play a game! Like I said, I'm kind of rusty, but I enjoy it!

January 24, 2007

When I was in Italy in 2001, I decided to walk to a monastery called "Sant'Antimo" from a little town called Montalcino that I was staying in. After consulting the map (which was in Italian and marked in kilometers instead of miles!) I mistakenly estimated a distance of under 5 miles. It was actually over 10! And, about the time I arrived, it was about to start raining. It was actually a beautiful walk there through the countryside, but I wasn't looking forward to another 10-mile walk back in the rain! The public busses weren't running because it was a Sunday, so I decided to hitchhike back. I flagged down a private tour bus full of British travellers on the driveway to the monastery and was told that his company didn't allow him to take on passengers. I went on to see the monastery and as I was walking back down the driveway several vehicles passed without stopping. I saw the bus again and didn't bother thumbing it, but to my surprise he stopped and let me on, informing me that he was about to have a mutiny if he didn't give me a ride! So, that was the first and only time I ever hitchhiked!

January 23, 2007

Back when I was teaching school, my students pointed out that I look a lot like Jared from the Subway commercials. At least my "celebrity lookalike" lost the 350 pounds before anyone noticed that we favor! LOL I used to tell them that I was going to bring in my old pants from before I lost all of the weight so that they could see just how far I'd come on the sub diet!

January 22, 2007

I collect old National Geographic Magazines. My collection takes up between about 15 and 20 feet of shelf space, although right now they're all boxed up and in the garage. :o( My oldest one is from the 1920s. The advertisements are pretty entertaining in those older ones! Of course, I still subscribe and get all of the new ones too. The weird thing is I rarely read them. I enjoy reading them; I just never seem to get around to it. I guess it's sort of like a security blanket at this point; I've been moving them around with me for 15 years now. I don't think I could ever get rid of them at this point!

January 21, 2007

My grandmother slept on her coffee table for the last 20 years or so of her life. Don't ask me! She said it was comfortable! She was an interesting one! In fact, I could probably do a "Daily Granny Factoid" and not run out of stuff to say for a looonnnnggg time! LOL

January 20, 2007

I must be part shark or something. When I was growing up, I had 2 sets of adult teeth come in in several places. Needless to say, my teeth were messed up! I had one in front and one behind in several places, making everything all crooked...before I got my braces as a teenager, I had to have 13 teeth pulled, and I think only 2 or 3 of those were baby teeth; the rest were extras! (I couldn't have had some cool mutation like a spare lung or something handy like that; noooo...I had to have extra teeth! :P)

January 19, 2007

Unfortunately, I can be a terrible procrastinator. Case in point: at the time I am updating this factoid, it is 1am, and I have a long assignment for my Statistical Method class that is due by 12:00 noon and will probably take me 3 or 4 hours to finish, and yet I am on the internet updating this factoid! OK, OK, I'm going now!!! Sheesh!

January 18, 2007

In September 2005 I rode my bike in a "century", a 100-mile long organized ride sponsored by the local cycling club. It took me about 7 hours altogether, and I took one break of about 5 or 10 minutes. I intended to do two centuries in '06, but neither one materialized. I'd like to do at least one again this year. Can't wait for some warmer weather to get out there and start building up some endurance!

January 17, 2007

I took voice lessons as a teenager. I can still sing an Italian opera song! Just one though: "O Cessate Di Piagarmi", which translates "O No Longer Seek to Pain Me". Fun, huh?

1/9/07: New Year's Resolution

2007-01-09T15:53:00.000-08:00

So how many of you made New Year's resolutions this year? It's January 9th now, how's that going for you? Send me a message and let me know!

It's been said that New Year's resolutions "go in one year and out the other". Sad but usually true. I try to resolve to change things throughout the year; Bro. Mike says we shouldn't wait till a new year to change things that need to be changed. However, one thing in particular this year I consciously decided to put off...well, truth be told, it's a "resolution" that I made back in the summer that sort of fizzled out, so I'm jump starting it now.

My resolution is to get healthier. Exercise more, eat less, etc. etc. Now, through the holidays is NOT a good time for me to start this sort of thing. I mean, how can one resist the temptation to overeat a bit when people are constantly inviting you over to partake of delicious home-cooked goodies? I mean, it's part of what the holidays are all about, right? Back in the summer, I had lost about 15 pounds, but I assure you that I found it all again by year's end. So now it's time to get serious!

You see, I went to the doctor for a check-up back in early June and he did a blood test to check my cholesterol level. They say that they like it to be below 180 these days, and mine was 210! (I'm ashamed to admit it, but 2 or 3 years ago I got it checked for the first time and it was even higher, like 246 or something.) The doc actually wrote me a scrip for cholesterol meds. Call me stubborn, but I refused to get it filled. I am 28 years old (for a couple more weeks anyway) and if I start on this type of drug now, I'll likely be on it for the rest of my life. I should be able to control it without medication, surely.

Now, I'm not morbidly obese, so apparently this is a genetic thing. (Thanks, Dad.) My pop is a registered nurse, and he advised me that getting rid of any extra fat is the single best thing you can do to lower cholesterol levels. He even plugged in my info into a computer program and came up with an ideal body weight of 138 pounds. Let me say that again: 138 POUNDS! That sounds crazy to me! I haven't weighed that since I was in junior high! I think I would have to be skin and bones with no muscle OR fat to get down to that!

So, realistically speaking, I am shooting for about 150. I started out the year at about 178, but I've already lost like 5 lbs, so I've got about 23 more to go. Here's what I'm doing...it's revolutionary...don't tell anyone my secret...I'm eating less. I'm also exercising a bit...push-ups and situps in the morning and evening most days. As it gets a bit warmer, I'm planning to add regular walking and biking to my weekly exercise plan.

Now, once I get down to 150 lbs., I'm planning to go back to the doctor and get that cholesterol checked again. I was supposed to go back in September or October, but I knew it wouldn't be any better and I still wasn't going to take the meds, so I figured "why waste the money?".
So, why am I blogging about this for everyone to read? If I fall off the wagon and gain 30 lbs, everyone will know that I blew it...

EXACTLY.

I NEED YOUR HELP. Check up with me every week or two and see how it's going. Remind me that I am doomed to a lifetime of medication if I don't get off my tail and stay healthy. It will be particularly difficult for me to maintain a healthy lifestyle when I'm starting back to school and everything. So, keep in touch and keep me accountable! I need drill sergeants to scream at me: "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING WITH THAT DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER, SOLDIER?! DROP AND GIVE ME 20!!!"

Thanks for any help you can offer!

12/14/06: Jonathan's Travels

2006-12-14T15:40:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't blogged lately for all of you who've been waiting with bated breath for my next post (ahem...riiight). I just thought I'd post an update to my last blog about what I've been up to lately.

I went to the meeting in Godfrey the day after Thanksgiving. It was my first time there. I got to see my little buddy Levi from Jerseyville (he's like 2 or 3 years old) and asked him if he remembered my name. To my surprise, he answered "Brother Jonathan DURR!" What a cute little guy! I couldn't believe he remembered my whole name. He's probably going to be a politician some day! Bro. Hughes left the meeting early due to an infection from a spider bite on his hand, and he ended up not able to go to the meeting in Mexico due to a follow-up doctor's appt, so I didn't head out of town with him early Sunday morning as originally planned.

Since I didn't have to get back to Paducah in time to get to bed early, we decided to go to Jerseyville for service Saturday night. I'd never been there either. I really enjoyed spending the afternoon with Sam and Gina before service that night. It was worth the trip to hear Bro. Steve Wilkinson (who was also visiting Jerseyville) play the piano and sing. Wow, he is really talented!

We got back to Paducah very late Saturday night and I was able to attend services at home Sunday before heading toward Texas Monday evening. I stopped over at some friends' in Paragould, Arkansas and visited a bit with them Monday night, then drove most of the day Tuesday until I got to Tomball, north of Houston, where I stayed with a really nice couple, Bro. and Sis. Mier, and had a great service there in Bro. Gary Wright's church.

Wednesday I drove the rest of the way to Brownsville and had church with them there. I must say, it was a bit bittersweet being in Brownsville again. For those who don't know, I spent 2 months there when I was 18 while Bro. Jack Lewis was still alive. Seeing Bro. Lewis's old house and the new sign on the small building next to the church that said "The H.J. Lewis Youth Building" was a bit sad. I hadn't been to Brownsville to visit since before he passed away. It is good though to see that his work is continuing.

Bro. Lewis felt called to go to Brownsville to start a mission work in Mexico when he was already well into his sixties. He'd pastored a few small churches but had never really had what most would consider success, but yet he yielded to that call and went with his wife to Brownsville with no contacts in the area, no fluency in Spanish (in a town that is probably 90% or more Spanish-speaking) and started preaching on the street corners. Before long he had his first convert who started translating for him and they eventually started having house meetings in the trailer where Bro. Lewis lived. Fast forward to 1996 when I first came in contact with him, and he had the big church built in Brownsville and probably 10 or 12 churches in Mexico.

Now Bro. Rodriguez is pastoring in Brownsville and Mission, TX and there are probably a total of 15 churches that came out of Bro. Lewis's work. His vision was to someday take the gospel all the way to the southern tip of the South American continent, and he instilled a desire to always be looking for an open door to establish a new church. Bro. Johnny Budd oversees this work now, and they also fellowship regularly with the churches that began from Bro. Frayer's mission to Mexico as well, which are now overseen by Bro. John Wright.

Ok, so there was the background for where I was headed. Before Bro. Lewis died, he spoke with Bro. Memo Cano about starting a work in Veracruz, Mexico. Bro. Memo started going down there from time to time, just every 6 or 8 weeks or so to start with. He started out with only a couple of people who were hungry for more truth, but as time went on, he started going more and more often. Now, as I understand, there are 40 people or so meeting regularly and Bro. Memo goes every other week to be with them. This is about an 18-hour trip by car. I'm not sure how often he drives and how often he flies, but regardless, that's quite a sacrifice. It makes me wonder what more I could be doing for the Lord!

This was the first meeting that was hosted in Veracruz. They invited all of the churches of Mexico as well as several from the U.S. and expected about 200 people to attend. As it turned out, there were nearly 400 there. It was touching to see how hungry the people were for the things of God. I believe the last I heard, there were11 people who received the Holy Ghost as well as 30 who were baptized in water. God is really working in Mexico! Anyone who gets discouraged with things in their life should go see a mission work in person. It will change your perspective.

We got back to Brownsville Sunday afternoon and I went to service there that night. I decided to head out and drive for a few hours after church and stop somewhere whenever I got sleepy. I actually drove for nearly 7 hours, all the way through Houston, before I stopped to sleep awhile at about 5:30 in the morning! I stopped at a gas station/truck stop and slept for about an hour before I woke up with the sunrise. I slept another hour and a half later on, but drove most of the day till I got to Jonesboro, Arkansas where I got my first good night's sleep in about a week.

I drove back to Paducah Tuesday and was only there for a few hours. You'd think I'd have had enough driving, but I called Bro. Encil and asked if he was at the ministers' meeting in Louisville to see if I might be able to get a place to stay if I went. He actually hadn't left yet, but asked if I'd drive him up, so I did. We didn't leave until after 10pm! It was really great traveling with Bro. Encil and staying in the hotel with him. I really enjoyed all of the one on one conversation time with my pastor.

We came back Thursday, and I actually stayed put for a couple of days! Then Saturday I got in the car and went to visit Bro. Truman Benfield's church in Memphis. I must be either really good or really bad to need that much church! lol Seriously though, I have really enjoyed being able to visit so many different places over the last few weeks. That was my goal when I decided to take a few weeks off, and I think it's been really good for me. That trip to Texas was the first time I'd ever taken a long road trip by myself, and you know, I found out that I'm pretty good company! LOL I kept myself entertained by playing CDs and listening to the radio and singing at the top of my lungs. (I may have even been seen car dancing on some of those long lonely stretches of Texas highway!) : )

So that pretty much concludes my reeeeaaaalllllyy long blog post. If anyone has actually stayed with me till this point, send me a comment and I'll know that you are a real trooper to sit down and read all of this! Sorry to inflict such minutia on you! LOL Comment me and maybe I'll make it up to you by buying your lunch or something some time. LOL

Until next time,
Jonathan

11/22/06: Retirement Plans

2006-11-23T20:13:00.000-08:00

Well, I am now 1 week into my "retirement"! LOL

Of course, I'm a bit young to be retired for real, but I am taking a few weeks off from work before I start school on January 8th. I haven't posted a blog in a while, and I'm about to be out of town for a bit, so I thought I would offer an update to tide you over (as if everyone were just holding their collective breath!).

So far, retirement has been busy. I just moved the last of my stuff out of my apartment and into Mom's house. Actually most of my worldly possessions currently reside in her much too-crowded garage at the moment. I have come to the conclusion that I have TOO MUCH STUFF. Life would be simpler if I could carry all my possessions in a sack. Probably not happening. Oh well. I digress . . .

So tomorrow is Thanksgiving with the families (yes that's plural; holidays get complicated when the parents are divorced), then Friday morning about 6:30am I am headed for Godfrey for the remainder of the meeting there. I will return to Paducah Saturday night, only to get up and hit the road again by 7am Sunday morning.

I am headed out of town with Bro. Tim Hughes en route to a 2-day meeting in Veracruz, Mexico. The plan is to visit several churches on the way to Brownsville, Texas--tentatively Paragould, Arkansas Sunday morning followed by Little Rock Sunday night, then possibly San Antonio and Dallas and 1 or 2 more in Texas. On Thursday, we will get on the bus with the Brownsville people to head south to Veracruz for the meeting.

Just to give some perspective on this trip, if we were to drive straight through, it takes approximately 21 hours to get to Brownsville from Paducah--it is the southernmost point in the BIG state of Texas. Then, from Brownsville, I'll be looking at another 14-16 hours on the road to Veracruz.

I've spent quite a bit of time in Mexico in the past, but have never actually been all that far into the country. The furthest I've ever been was Ciudad Victoria, which was about 5 hours (I think) from the border. I'm really looking forward to seeing Veracruz; it's supposed to be a beautiful area of Mexico. It will be great to be able to use my Spanish for several days! I only get to speak Spanish sporadically at Mexican restaurants and with a few Spanish speakers that I know locally, so my brain will be getting a good workout!

Most of all, I'm looking forward to meeting and spending time with more of God's people. I have been doing a bit more visiting other churches nearby over the last few months, but on this trip I'll be visiting several churches that I've never been to before, so that should be cool.

When I get back, I'll have to get to studying for my GRE, the graduate record exam, which is required for formal admission to the MBA program. I'm scheduled to take it January 8th, meaning I'll have to actually miss my first day of one of my classes. I'm currently registered for Principles of Accounting, Principles of Microeconomics, and my personal favorite, Business Calculus. I figure that will probably be the worst class of the whole program, so I might as well get it out of the way and done with my first semester!

So, a few more weeks of taking it relatively easy, then it's shift back into student mode, find a part time job to pay the bills, and get to it! I'll probably be offline for a little over a week while I'm on my trip. Hope every one has a great Thanksgiving! God bless!

11/8/06: State of the Psyche Address

2006-11-23T20:10:00.000-08:00

Every year the President goes before Congress to deliver his State of the Union address to the nation. This speech is an update on how the country has fared during the past year and the President's vision for the country in the coming year as well. I thought that perhaps it might be good for me to deliver here a state of the psyche address to my blog readers and let you all know how I'm doing and where I'm heading. Maybe this will be an annual event as well--who knows!

What prompts me to do this now is the date. It has been 6 months to the day since my ex-wife left. Many of you know that I had been expecting this to occur for some time, but it still is a shock when it actually occurs. I have been through so many emotional ups and downs during the past 6 months that I feel I can safely say this has been the most trying time of my life to date.
Recently I went to a fellowship meeting in Terre Haute, Indiana, and Bro. Bob Jones spoke about a passage of scripture from Psalms 84:5-6:

"Blessed is the man whose strength is in thee. . . Who passing through the valley of Baca make it a well; the rain also filleth the pools." He explained that the word "Baca" was not actually intended to be a place name, but was mistaken for a proper name and left untranslated. It should actually be read "Blessed is the man whose strength is in thee. . . Who passing through the valley of weeping make it a well; the rain also filleth the pools."

So, a man who is in a season of tears so trying that it seems his tears become rain and fill the low-lying valley is called blessed if his strength is in the Lord!

What a wonderful thought for someone who is coming through dark times. I feel like this verse really describes my situation. The last couple of years, and the last year in particular, have definitely been a valley of weeping in my life, but I truly feel blessed because I have found the Lord to be such a source of strength in my life during this time. Before this trial, I had never had something that so shook me that I had to cry out to Him for help just to go another step. But now I have, and He has answered my cries with the strength that I needed every time.

He is more real to me now than He ever has been. Job 42:5 says "I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee." I knew before from the testimonies of others that God can reach down to you in the depths of despair and lift you up, but now I see His love lifting me up in my own life! In the valley of weeping it is difficult to feel joy. It is difficult to be thankful in the middle of trials. But it is a wonderful opportunity to get to know God and His love in a greater way.

As I said before, there have been many ups and downs. Right after Crystal left, I felt so alone and scared. I had never really lived on my own at all until then. I lived at home until I was 18 when I went to Brownsville, TX for a couple of months and stayed with Rudy and Maribel, then when I returned to Paducah, I moved in with my roommate Eddie for a little over a year before moving to Arkansas and staying with another roommate for the few months before I got married. So I wasn't accustomed to coming home to an empty place. I feel like I am meant to be around people, and if it hadn't been for my church family reaching out to me and being available to open their homes and hearts to me during this time, I don't know how I could have made it.

Bro. Dennis Moell called me several times to help minister to me during this time. He described the pain of divorce like this: "When two people become married, God performs a miracle and makes them one flesh. When that union is torn apart, it leaves a gaping, open wound." Of course, such a wound takes time to heal. I was looking for a way to bind up that wound quickly. The loneliness of not having a life companion as I'd become accustomed to scared me. I went through a long time (really beginning months before Crystal actually left) where I felt more alone than ever in my life. After Crystal left, I felt so incomplete that I thought I needed to find another companion as soon as I could "get away" with it. Of course, this wouldn't have been healthy or fair to me or to whoever the other person might have been. Thank goodness I was able to avoid the pitfalls of the "rebound" relationship.

While I still do feel lonely at times, I feel so much healthier emotionally now than I have in a long time. I honestly feel that I am more ready to pursue a relationship now than I have been yet. It may seem contradictory, but I also feel more willing to wait on that relationship than I have been yet. I remember many people telling me in the first few weeks that I should probably wait for 6 months or a year before starting a new relationship. I thought they were crazy! That seemed like so long at that time! Now it has been 6 months, and it didn't seem to take that long at all. Time has a way of compressing when you look behind and expanding when you look ahead.

Now another 6 months doesn't seem like all that long. I don't want to break down any doors by my own strength, but I want to walk through a door that God has opened. If God opens a door 3 months down the road, so be it, but if He doesn't open a door for over 6 months or even more, then I am more than willing to wait on Him. I don't feel a need at this point to go looking for someone; I want to trust the Lord and let Him work in my life.

So, the state of my psyche is strong! I have been through the valley of weeping, but I am coming out! The Lord is walking with me, and I am leaning on Him. I believe He has good things in store for me, and I don't want to buck His plan for my life by laying out my own plans by my own will, but I want to adjust my life and my mindset to be in line with what He is doing in me and through me. Thank you to all of you who have prayed for me and reached out to help me through the trying times that I have faced. Good day, and God bless!

10/30/06: Update

2006-11-23T20:09:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to post an update on my blog from 10/23. If you read that one, you'll remember that we'd had an outstanding service Sunday night a week ago yesterday, and had a man come in off the street and go to the altar to get prayed for. He had an outstanding repentance experience and felt a freedom from sin that was overwhelming.

We invited him to come back the next weekend to be with us and to get baptized, but honestly I didn't really expect to see him again. I guess I was being pessimistic, but particularly when we didn't see him Friday night, I just didn't want to be too disappointed if he didn't show up Sunday morning for the baptism.

Long story short, however, yesterday morning he showed up all cleaned up and with a suit and tie on (smelling clean--no alcohol and cigarette stink this time!). He even brought his mother and a friend with him to see him get baptized. He testified about his experience and said that God set him free and cleaned him up last Sunday night, and asked all of us to keep praying for him that he could fulfill God's will in his life. So he was baptized as well as a young girl in our church who received the baptism of the Holy Ghost several months ago.

Before the baptism, Bro. Bernard preached about water baptism and how it is necessary to fulfill all righteousness, following Christ's example when he went to be baptized of John. He said that if someone has repented of their sins that they are eligible for baptism as an outward sign that they are burying their old ways and resurrecting to live for Christ. He said that baptism is something that we can do for someone; it's a physical act that the ministry performs. But there is another baptism that the ministry can't provide; God has to baptize you with the Holy Spirit. If you come in and repent and get baptized, after that if you just stick around and seek after more of what God has for you, then God will immerse you in His Spirit and make you a new creature! As Peter said, "Repent, and be baptized . . . and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost." So, welcome to the church, Bro. Leslie!

10/26/06: Building a New Civilization

2006-11-23T20:06:00.000-08:00

Ok, so the title of this blog may seem a bit grandiose, but here's the deal: I just started reading a book last night that a friend sent to me. It is New Life After Divorce by Bill Butterworth. In the foreword to the book, John Ortberg says "If it is true that every divorce is the death of a small civilization, then its aftermath involves creating a new one."

This concept of family is an interesting one. I have heard it said that a family should be a miniature church, but the idea of the family unit as a "small civilization" is probably more accurate, as it encompasses not only the church, but every aspect of the life of the family. While my goal would be to have the "civilization" of my family centered around the church, not every family is like that, obviously. But every family does have the essential elements of a civilization: a group of people coexisting in a shared location, a culture that is accepted to a greater or lesser degree by each member of the civilization, a common set of values and beliefs, and customs (folkways and mores) that are generally accepted and followed most of the time.

Every family is different, but every family has these elements of civilization. Some families, like some civilizations, are stronger than others, while some are weaker. When a significant portion of a society rejects the foundations of that civilization, crisis ensues, and either there will be a realignment of the values of the civilization, or the civilization will fall apart. (This is true of any group that forms a sort of civilization: the family, a church, a business, or a nation.) Essentially, this is what happens when a divorce occurs: there is some crisis where the foundations of the family are rejected by one partner, and the civilization disintegrates when an acceptable realignment of values does not occur. In the absence of a revolution, one spouse makes a declaration of independence by filing for divorce. It is a painful process, and is painful when complete.

The description of divorce as the death of a small civilization seems apt to describe what it feels like, because it isn't just about the personal pain, the loss of a life partner, or being alone; it is the loss of an implied or expected future. For me, civilization seems to include the idea of a foundation that has been laid with a view toward some purpose to fulfill (think "manifest destiny"). A family should be the same. But when divorce occurs, the destiny dies. There will always be a question of what might have been.

Close to two months ago, I went to a storage closet to get out my pet taxi so I could take the cat to my ex-wife. We had already been separated for nearly 4 months and divorced for over 2 months at this time, and I had decided I didn't want the cat anymore, so she agreed to take her. Anyway, in the closet I found a box of letters that we had written to each other over the course of several years before and during our marriage. Why I put myself through this I don't know, but I took the box into my living room and sat for close to 2 hours reading every letter. At times I smiled as I remembered the good times, but most of the time I wept as I mourned what had been lost. In another instance a few weeks later, I had a dream about my divorce from which I actually woke up crying. I don't think I had ever actually cried in my sleep before.

The artifacts of the lost civilization are likely to bring up profound feelings of loss until the death of the civilization is fully accepted. I don't claim to know for certain when this process will be complete. I do, however, see progress in my own situation. I was going through some things yesterday, sorting through belongings and deciding what to keep, what to sell, and what to throw away, when I found a framed wedding invitation that was a wedding present when Crystal and I got married in 1998. I took a deep breath, bracing myself for the wave of grief that I expected to come as it had a couple months before when I read those letters. But nothing happened.

I looked at the frame. I looked at the mat with its dried, pressed flowers. I even read over the fancy embossed lettering expecting to feel the return of that familiar, deep-down ache that I'd felt so many times before. But it didn't happen. I simply looked at it, decided that there was no reason to keep it, and put it in the trash. It wasn't an emotional decision. There was no anger, no bitterness; just a realization that this is a part of my life that is now behind me.

So, for me, and for others who find themselves in the category of "suddenly single again", the civilization they were accustomed to being part of is dead. It is probably easier for me than for most since my little civilization didn't include any children. But, the "ruins" of my civilization are still around me, and the question now becomes "how do I clean up the mess and start the process of building a new civilization?".

For me, after several months of reflection, I have decided that part of constructing my new civilization means quitting my job and going back to school for a Master's degree. In the process, I am moving out of the apartment that Crystal and I shared and selling off much of the furniture that we had together. I'll probably keep a few of the nicer artifacts of the dead civilization, but getting rid of the bulk of them, I feel, will help me to bury the past and move toward the future.

So, now I am figuring out where to go from here. I am leaving the ruins of a dead civilization behind me. I know that I have been shaken to the core, but still I stand. I am firmly planted on the foundation that God has placed me on. He will be the initiator in my life, and with His help, I will construct a new civilization with Him at the center. I believe that with His guidance this new civilization will be much stronger than the one I had before.

10/23/06: Last night

2006-11-23T20:04:00.000-08:00

We had another outstanding service at church last night. We had lots of testimonies that were very uplifting that ran the gamut from an elder sister telling about an experience she had when she was a little girl to a new member of the church who moved here from Malawi, Africa a few months ago and gave her first testimony in our church telling of her experiences with the Lord as a teenager in Africa and how He has taken care of her and brought her here to the United States and to Paducah.

When Bro. Mike was just about to dismiss the service, we all were just in a worshipful frame of mind, with our hands raised and thanking God for all He'd done for us, and the Spirit came in in a great way. That was at around probably 8:30 (service started at 6:30). So when the service was supposed to be over, God had other ideas! (Service didn't finally get over with until about 10:30!) People started to pray down front, and we really had a special visitation of the spirit. One little girl received the Holy Ghost, and lots of people got special blessings. It was like the day of Pentecost in the Bible. People were drunk in the Spirit. I myself found myself shaking uncontrollably under the power of God on more than one occasion. I've never experienced anthing like it. A stranger watching would have supposed we were all drunk or high on something!

I was still praying, sitting on the floor of the platform I think (the chairs had long since been pushed out of the way by people praying in the Spirit who apparently didn't notice the furniture!) when I heard someone asking me to come help pray for a stranger who had come in off the street. I went over to the altar and found an older black man kneeling at the altar bench and crying. We prayed with him and cried with him as he turned over his life to the Lord. He reeked of cigarettes and alcohol; his eyes were bloodshot and he was a bit disheveled. I kneeled in front of him on the platform and reached over the little wall to the altar and held his hand as we all prayed with him. What an experience!

He said that he had been walking by the church on his way to a lady's house when God spoke to him and said to go inside that church and see what was going on in there; that he needed some of that. He came in to find us all praying and speaking in tongues and shouting (many of us drunk in the spirit, while he had been drunk in the traditional sense!).

As he knelt there at that altar, he felt a freedom that he hadn't felt in years. He said that he had known the Lord years ago (in a Baptist church), but that he'd been bound in sin for so long he didn't think he could ever come back to Him. He began to shout out "I'm free! I'm free! I don't have to go back there anymore! God has changed me tonight!" Needless to say, we all shouted some more to see this man that God had just led to come into our midst off the street feeling the power of God for the first time with us. He was so full of love for everyone. Eddie had been praying right beside him the whole time and when they were done praying, the man just kept hugging Eddie and thanking him for praying with him and loving him. He was so emotional and thankful that he grabbed Eddie's head in his hands and planted a big kiss right on Eddie's forehead! After he got up, I went over and gave him a big hug. Under normal circumstances, the smell would have been repulsive, but here it was just a reminder that God can still speak to whom He will, even a rank sinner who just came in off the street with alcohol on his breath!

Eddie spoke with him briefly and related the words of Peter on the day of Pentecost when he answered the question about what was needed to be saved. Peter said that they should repent, be baptized, and that they would receive the Holy Ghost. Eddie told the man that he had gotten his repentance out of the way tonight, and that if he would come this weekend we will fill the baptistry up with water and get him baptized Sunday morning. The man said that he would definitely be here Friday night and Sunday morning. Whether the man ever does come back to the church or not, God gave us a special experience by having him come in. I believe we showed this man love that he's likely never experienced before.

What a mighty God we serve!

10/17/06: Wait

2006-11-23T19:58:00.000-08:00

This poem was included in a handout provided by Galadriel, who was teaching our Sunday School class for several weeks on the subject of fire baptism. I'm good friends with her and her husband Stewart. She said that they had been going through some things and this poem spoke to them. I can definitely say the same. The answer you may want to hear is not always the one that is best for you! I hope you get as much out of it as I did.

Wait

By Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly I cried.

Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.

I pleaded, and I wept for a clue to my fate,

and the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait."

"Wait? You say wait?" my indignant reply.

"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why.

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?

By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming Your word."

"My future, and all to which I can relate

hangs in the balance, and You tell me to wait?

I'm needing a yes, a go-ahead sign,

or even a 'no' to which I can resign."

"And Lord, You have promised that if we believe,

we need but to ask, and we shall receive.

And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:

I'm weary of asking: I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate

As my master replied once again, "You must wait."

So I slumped in my chair; defeated and taut

And grumbled to God; "So I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel and his eyes met with mine

and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens, darken the sun,

Raise the dead, cause the mountains to run."

"All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.

You would have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint;

You'd not know the power that I give to the faint."

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;

You'd not learn to trust, just by knowing I'm there.

You'd not know the joy of resting in Me

when darkness and silence were all you could see."

"You would never experience that fullness of love

as the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.

You would know that I give, and I save for a start,

But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart."

"The glow of My comfort late in the night;

The faith that I give when you walk without sight;

The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask

of an infinite God, who makes what you have last."

"And you never would know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee.

'Yes, your dreams for that loved one o'ernight could come true,

But the loss! If you lost what I'm doing in you."

"So be silent, my child, and in time you will see

that the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.

And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer of all...is still...'Wait.' "

My response:Oh God, let me know the depth of the beat of Your heart! Even though I may want a certain answer, I pray that You will give me what I need, not what I want! I know that You know what is best for me better than I do. I trust You more than I trust myself. What loss indeed it would be if I lost what You are doing in me! I know that all things will work together for my good if I love You. Give me patience, Lord, to wait on You.

10/15/06: Some thoughts on humility

2006-11-23T19:56:00.000-08:00

I recently read the book Overcoming Life's Disappointments by Harold Kushner. (He also authored When Bad Things Happen to Good People). In it, he uses examples from the life of Moses to illustrate how we should respond to the inevitable tragedies of life. (I've had a few, how about you?)

The Bible describes Moses as "very meek, above all the men which were upon the face of the earth." (Num. 12:3) Interesting. If God used me to part the Red Sea, speak to a rock to bring forth water in a desert, lead a multitude out of slavery and into a land that He had promised, I wonder how meek I would be? (Probably not very. Maybe that's why He hasn't used me for anything so great!) How was Moses able to be so humble when he was so greatly used by God?
We often think of humility as being deferential or submissive. Neither of these seem to apply to Moses. He was certainly not afraid to stand up to Pharoah or to workers of iniquity in the congregation of Israel. Perhaps our modern concept of humility is skewed. Kushner offers a bit of a different view of humility:

"Humility is the realization that not everything that happens in life is all about you. Things may work out well, but you may not have been the primary reason for their success. Things may fail, but the failure may not have been your fault. If it rains on the day of your daughter's wedding or on every day of your beach vacation, that is just weather, and farmers and gardeners may in fact be grateful for it. It was not some cosmic conspiracy to deprive you of happiness.

"Humility means recognizing that you are not God and it is not your job or responsibility to run the world. Some people are dissappointed to learn that; most mentally healthy people are immensely relieved. Moses was able to surmount the problems and frustrations in his life because he understood that he was not God and could not be expected to be, and that God's plan for humanity did not depend solely on him."

Wow! I am reminded of an oft-quoted maxim in my church: "A man who comes to the Lord must realize two things. # 1: There is a God...#2: I am not Him!"

We often look at humility only from the standpoint of not getting a big head when things are going good, but when things don't go good, it is actually pretty egotistical to blame yourself when it might not have been something over which you had any power at all. Sometimes we get all bent out of shape over things in our lives and wonder why God is doing this to us. Maybe we're not really that important! It may just be something that is common to man. Or it may be that God is using it to work in our lives. He does know what He is doing! Perhaps allowing us to go through some trials is what we need to make us who He wants us to be.

We human beings have a tendency to blame ourselves when things go wrong and take credit when they go right. Both cases are showing a lack of humility. Let's let Him run His world, and let's do what we can to adjust our lives to be in line with His plan!

10/14/06: Nazi-occupied Holland survivor recounts experiences

2006-11-23T19:54:00.000-08:00

Back in August, I wrote down the following after hearing an incredible story that I didn't want to forget. I have changed the names since I haven't obtained permission to post personal info, but many of my friends from church would know the people involved or at least some of their family. This is a bit long, but worth it. (The quotes are better if you read them to yourself in a slight Dutch accent!)

8/21/06

Sis. Margot Schmidt, who lives in Michigan, was in town with her sister from Holland to reunite with family in the U.S., some of whom she hadn't seen in over 25 years. They have a brother here in Paducah so they came to see him and visited the church as well. All of them were born in Holland, but Sis. Margot and her brother emigrated to the U.S. in the mid-50s, while their sister stayed in Holland. I would guess that Sis. Margot is probably around 70-75 years old. We went out to eat after service and several of us had an opportunity to talk with Sis. Margot about her memories of Holland during the Nazi era. She related her memories of young Anne Franke, who lived in the same neighborhood as she did. I believe Anne Franke was a bit older than Sis. Margot at the time.

They weren't close friends or anything, but they were acquaintances who sometimes played together with a big group from the neighborhood. She remembered a particular incident, just after the Jews had begun to be required to wear the star of David any time they were in public. "They were no longer allowed to walk on the sidewalk, but they had to walk beside the curb in the ditch. I remember she used to roller skate up and down the street and we would all play in a plaza there in the neighborhood; we didn't ask each other where we came from, what we believed, or what religion we were: we were just kids playing!

"A bunch of us kids were playing in the plaza and I remember she came up to the curb and asked "Can I still play here?" and it just broke my heart. Then this big bully kid walked up and said "No, she can't play because she is a Jew and she has to stay in the ditch!" You see, he was a Nazi. We worked him over good. Well, we really beat the crap out of him, let's face it. He was bigger than all of us, but there were more of us than there was of him! She played with us that night in the plaza but she never played there again.

"Then of course years later I heard what had happened to her, and it was so sad, it just breaks my heart. People ask me if I've ever read that book, but no, I can't do it, it is just too painful. I thought about it enough and I don't want to think about it no more! I don't want to remember her that way. I want to remember her as the smiling, laughing, happy little girl that she was. . ." At this point her voice was breaking up and she had to turn away from our group that was standing in the parking lot outside the restaurant and walk a few steps away to regain her composure before turning back to us again.

"You know, I have little rooms in my mind, and I keep the doors closed. Any time they are opened again, it hurts too much. I remember on September 11th, my daughter called me and said, 'You have to turn on the television and see what's going on!' because I didn't know anything about it. I turned it on and saw, and immediately, I could smell Rotterdam. Just seeing the destruction, I could literally smell the dead people burning in Rotterdam. I couldn't get that smell out of my nose for 2 weeks. Seeing that evil had opened a door in my mind and I just couldn't get it shut. My arms were just shaking I was so affected by it. Finally Bro. Jones [her pastor in MI] talked with me and said 'Sis. Schmidt, I know this sounds bad, but you need to go and get some Xanex. I know that you will be ok once you get those doors shut.' So, I went to the doctor, and she knows a little bit about me and who I am. She didn't ask any questions, she just wrote me the prescription and let me go. I had to take 2 of them, and that settled my nerves. I got those doors in my mind shut again, and I don't want to open them no more!

"And then I see where they are talking about negotiating with Iran: 'let's just be nice and talk with them, maybe we can smooth things out,' and I think 'that's just what they did back there with Hitler! They dilly-dallied around, they fiddle-fuddled around, they talked with him, they tried to be nice, and a few years later, millions of people were dead! If I weren't a Christian and I was sitting in that house where President Bush is, I would just bomb the crap out of them and we'd be done with it!

"You know, people don't understand evil. So many people just try to be nice with these kinds of people and talk about it; but these people aren't nice. They are evil. I have seen real evil, but most people haven't seen it like that. I just try to keep those doors shut in my mind so that I don't have to live through it again. I lived through it once, and I don't want to do it again!
"You know, I think about how God has chosen me. There were so many people in Holland that he could have chosen, but there were just a few of us that left and came here to be a part of the church. I don't know why he chose little old me! I just really don't understand it. He picked me out of all of those people, and I don't know why. I just thank Him for it! That's why I'm the luckiest girl in the world!"

10/11/06: Sunday night's service

2006-11-23T19:53:00.000-08:00

Sunday night's service was a landmark for me personally and for the church as a whole as well. I was ushering and stationed in the foyer at the beginning of service, but I stood in the door and sang and worshipped at the beginning of the service as the band played "Let Your Spirit Fall On Me". I felt the Lord very strongly then, but it didn't "break loose" just yet. Eddie got up to open the service and preached under the anointing of the Lord, touching his recurring theme of getting out of your comfort zone. I didn't really feel much being back in the foyer separated from the action, but when Eddie finished, Rachel went to the piano and started singing "Give Up and Let Jesus Take Over".

Several people were gathering down front to pray, first a few of the married couples, followed by more and more people. Bro. Dave Sikes came to the foyer and said I could go inside for the rest of the service. I stood beside Bro. Wayne Bolton and sang for a few minutes before asking if they could handle it without me if I went down front. He said to go ahead, and I went up there and helped pray for just a minute with Bro. Wayne Andrews and Bro. Scott McDonald before I raised my hands myself as I felt the Spirit strongly and I knew that I needed a special touch from the Lord to help me begin to let go of the pain and grief that I've been facing. It wasn't long at all before I was crying uncontrollably and forcefully speaking in tongues. It felt like I was really turning some things over to the Lord. I've been carrying these emotional burdens for months, and I needed this release of crying out to the Lord and letting his Spirit wash over me. My dad came over and prayed with me for a long time standing on my right side, and Marianna came and stood on the other side. The two of them held me up for probably half an hour or more as I just prayed and cried out to the Lord for myself as others were praying all around me as well.

I was beginning to come to myself a bit and look around at my surroundings and saw a large group on the platform behind the piano and stretching into the band. The Spirit was very strong and it started to get over on me again. Rachel was still playing the same song, but was crying and had her eyes closed as she felt the Spirit all around her. Finally they started to pray for her directly and Bernard lifted her hands up off the piano keys, stopping the music abruptly. Often I've noticed the Spirit seeming to diminish when the music stops, but this had the opposite effect. Marianna saw me looking up at the group on the platform and asked if I wanted to go up there. I nodded and she helped me up there. The Spirit was back on me stronger than it had been yet as I approached the group. I prayed briefly with Bernard and Scott McDonald, then with Steve Smith for several minutes and with Daniel as well. Finally I got to Stewart who was standing near the piano and Kyle who was sitting on the front row of the band. I put one hand on each of them and just prayed and cried with them for a long time.

After some time I sat down in the chair next to Kyle and continued crying and speaking in tongues. This whole time my jaw had been shaking uncontrollably as I spoke to the Lord through the Spirit "with groanings that cannot be uttered". It took a long time for the Spirit to subside enough that I felt back in control of my vocal organs. This was the deepest experience in the Spirit that I've had in a long time-possibly years. I truly believe God worked some things out of me through this. I know it's not all over yet, but I know this was an integral part to my returning to a healthy place emotionally. As I started to come to myself, I started praying in English a bit, and the words that came to me were "Oh, God, here I am. Take these broken pieces and do what You will with me." Reflecting on this since, I think that much of the time over the last few months, I've been trying to tell myself and project to others that I am ok, that God had spared me from really being wounded by my divorce, that I'd just dealt with it better than most people, that I wasn't really broken. I think it was a big step for me emotionally to admit that yes, I am broken, wounded, in need of healing. I know that this process of healing has been going on for some time now, but last night was certainly a watershed event.

After I sat there quietly for another 20 minutes or so, Stewart got up for a few minutes and Sis. Katheryn Medley came and sat in the seat to my right where he had been. She said "I know this is going to sound strange, but I need to tell you something. I think you know that the Lord has something special in store for you, and I feel like He wants me to tell you that you don't need to worry about it, that it's all going to work out." She then awkwardly repeated "I know that sounds strange" then got up and walked away. I felt very comforted and full of hope to know that the Lord is concerned about me.

I know what I would like for that to be about, and I feel like I do know, but if not, I need to remember what Sis. Katheryn prophesied—that the Lord has something special in store for me. Whatever that may be, it has to be a good thing. I'll try not to worry about it in the meantime!

10/8/06: My Psalm

2006-11-23T19:51:00.000-08:00

Here's something I wrote a couple of months ago on a Sunday morning before church. I'd been reading in Psalms and had been thinking of writing a psalm myself for several days, then when I started to write, it just flowed out. Maybe it will be uplifting to someone:

I praise You Lord for who You are! You are greater than my mind can comprehend: You who formed the universe out of nothing, You who see the sparrow in the midst of the storm, You who created all life, You who hear each tiny heartbeat of an unborn child, You who set the world in motion, You who know the end of every beginning. You care about me!

Keep me Lord in the palm of Your hand. Lead me Lord in the way You would have me to go. Show me the next step You want me to take. Help me respond to Your gentle guidance as an obedient sheep to a loving shepherd. But Lord, when I am weak, when I am stubborn, when I am indifferent to Your leading, use Your rod and Your staff to move me in the right direction. Even when I don't seem to want Your leading, yes, especially then--lead me Lord!

Mold this vessel on Your wheel of life's circumstances. Apply the water of Your spirit when my clay is too dry to shape. Make me just what You want me to be, fit for Your purpose! Lord, when the time is right, when this vessel has been prepared to stand the heat, place me in the fire. I know that you will watch and give me strength to stand as You allow fiery trials to harden me into a vessel that can be used by You. When I have come through the fire under Your care, use me Lord as You see fit. Let me be a vessel of honor, Lord I pray! Let me be a reservoir of Your spirit, ever mindful of others who may need a drink!

If ever I fall and am broken, if ever I crack under the pressure, remember Lord who I am and what I am made of. Remember that without You I am but dust. I am weak without Your spirit and Your fire that strengthens me. Pick me up, Lord! Mend me! Return me to the wheel if necessary, Lord! Add to me what needs to be added. Take away what must be taken away. I trust Lord that You know what You are doing. Only give me strength to stand the fire again! Lord, make me what I ought to be!
8/13/06

First blogspot post

2006-11-23T19:45:00.000-08:00

I started blogging about 2 months ago on myspace. That url is myspace.com/therealjmd if anyone would like to visit. I am planning to copy and paste my previous blog entries here for those who do not visit myspace. I realize that there is a lot of negative stuff on that site, so I understand that many don't use it. My feeling is that there is a huge audience on myspace of friends and acquaintances who are not in church or those who used to be in church that may get something out of my blog postings who would never read them if they weren't on myspace. Anyway, feel free to comment and link to my blog here or on myspace if you like. God bless!