Sunday night's service was a landmark for me personally and for the church as a whole as well. I was ushering and stationed in the foyer at the beginning of service, but I stood in the door and sang and worshipped at the beginning of the service as the band played "Let Your Spirit Fall On Me". I felt the Lord very strongly then, but it didn't "break loose" just yet. Eddie got up to open the service and preached under the anointing of the Lord, touching his recurring theme of getting out of your comfort zone. I didn't really feel much being back in the foyer separated from the action, but when Eddie finished, Rachel went to the piano and started singing "Give Up and Let Jesus Take Over".
Several people were gathering down front to pray, first a few of the married couples, followed by more and more people. Bro. Dave Sikes came to the foyer and said I could go inside for the rest of the service. I stood beside Bro. Wayne Bolton and sang for a few minutes before asking if they could handle it without me if I went down front. He said to go ahead, and I went up there and helped pray for just a minute with Bro. Wayne Andrews and Bro. Scott McDonald before I raised my hands myself as I felt the Spirit strongly and I knew that I needed a special touch from the Lord to help me begin to let go of the pain and grief that I've been facing. It wasn't long at all before I was crying uncontrollably and forcefully speaking in tongues. It felt like I was really turning some things over to the Lord. I've been carrying these emotional burdens for months, and I needed this release of crying out to the Lord and letting his Spirit wash over me. My dad came over and prayed with me for a long time standing on my right side, and Marianna came and stood on the other side. The two of them held me up for probably half an hour or more as I just prayed and cried out to the Lord for myself as others were praying all around me as well.
I was beginning to come to myself a bit and look around at my surroundings and saw a large group on the platform behind the piano and stretching into the band. The Spirit was very strong and it started to get over on me again. Rachel was still playing the same song, but was crying and had her eyes closed as she felt the Spirit all around her. Finally they started to pray for her directly and Bernard lifted her hands up off the piano keys, stopping the music abruptly. Often I've noticed the Spirit seeming to diminish when the music stops, but this had the opposite effect. Marianna saw me looking up at the group on the platform and asked if I wanted to go up there. I nodded and she helped me up there. The Spirit was back on me stronger than it had been yet as I approached the group. I prayed briefly with Bernard and Scott McDonald, then with Steve Smith for several minutes and with Daniel as well. Finally I got to Stewart who was standing near the piano and Kyle who was sitting on the front row of the band. I put one hand on each of them and just prayed and cried with them for a long time.
After some time I sat down in the chair next to Kyle and continued crying and speaking in tongues. This whole time my jaw had been shaking uncontrollably as I spoke to the Lord through the Spirit "with groanings that cannot be uttered". It took a long time for the Spirit to subside enough that I felt back in control of my vocal organs. This was the deepest experience in the Spirit that I've had in a long time-possibly years. I truly believe God worked some things out of me through this. I know it's not all over yet, but I know this was an integral part to my returning to a healthy place emotionally. As I started to come to myself, I started praying in English a bit, and the words that came to me were "Oh, God, here I am. Take these broken pieces and do what You will with me." Reflecting on this since, I think that much of the time over the last few months, I've been trying to tell myself and project to others that I am ok, that God had spared me from really being wounded by my divorce, that I'd just dealt with it better than most people, that I wasn't really broken. I think it was a big step for me emotionally to admit that yes, I am broken, wounded, in need of healing. I know that this process of healing has been going on for some time now, but last night was certainly a watershed event.
After I sat there quietly for another 20 minutes or so, Stewart got up for a few minutes and Sis. Katheryn Medley came and sat in the seat to my right where he had been. She said "I know this is going to sound strange, but I need to tell you something. I think you know that the Lord has something special in store for you, and I feel like He wants me to tell you that you don't need to worry about it, that it's all going to work out." She then awkwardly repeated "I know that sounds strange" then got up and walked away. I felt very comforted and full of hope to know that the Lord is concerned about me.
I know what I would like for that to be about, and I feel like I do know, but if not, I need to remember what Sis. Katheryn prophesied—that the Lord has something special in store for me. Whatever that may be, it has to be a good thing. I'll try not to worry about it in the meantime!
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